Bring your resumes. Seth Berland is looking to hire a few good teams for his NCAA Tournament pool. Like any good employer, LinkedIn is one of his first stops. Let’s take a look at some of the teams that may or may not make the cut.
Current Position: Tied for 6th in Southeastern Conference
Previous: #1 Ranked team (for two weeks), Frequent Visitor to the middle of the SEC, Second-in-Charge to Nick Saban, Bear Bryant
Education: …Roll Tide?
2007-2015 CEO of Downward Spiral Entertainment
- Oops. One NCAA Tournament appearance, lots of hype but little progress. JaMychal Green was supposed to be the savior, but regressed in 2011. But hey on the bright side, four more wins over Kentucky!
2002-2006 President of The Golden Year LLC.
- Five straight NCAA tournament appearances, one Elite 8 appearance. Schedule was among the toughest in the nation. Hey, we even found the number one ranking! 3 wins over Kentucky, the benchmark for SEC success. Brought us the pleasure of Mo Williams and Alonzo Gee. Finally becoming a legit team, right??
1975-2001 Founder of FSS Inc. (Finally Some Success)
- Finally found the Madness. 14 ranked years, 14 tournament appearances, 2 SEC Championships. People still asked why there was a football team in the NCAA Tournament. Anyone remember Leon Douglas? No? Ok. Gerald Wallace? There we go! Team suffered a big drop-off in 1995, didn’t sniff the tournament until 2001.
1912-1974 Intern at The Bubble Watch
- Became a mainstay on the bubble. Owner of 0 NCAA Tournament appearances but 1 NIT appearance. Winner because of Bear Bryant (oops, wrong sport).
Photo Summary: What every Alabama basketball fan went through when they thought the team was becoming a powerhouse in the early 2000’s. Roll Tide.
Current Position: 6th in the Big Ten
Previous: Part-time NCAA Powerhouse, Owner of a National Championship
Education: The Big 10 (wait, Big 11? No, Big 12? shoot that’s taken, Big 14? Oh whatever)
2008-Present – Volunteer with NCAA March Madness
- Seven straight tournament appearances
2005-2015 – CEO of THE Powerhouse Inc.
- The Golden Age of Ohio State Basketball. They really put the THE in THE Ohio State University. 20+ wins in every season, 9 out of 10 years in the tournament, and one title game appearance. Created an NBA superstar, Greg Oden. Wait, he didn’t become a superstar? Hmm.
1959-2004 – Owner of Starpower Entertainment LLC.
- The Silver Age of Ohio State Basketball. National Title winner, three straight title game appearances. A couple of players named John Havlicek and Jerry Lucas. They seem pretty good. Five other All-American selections to go with a lot of wins and tournament appearances.
1939-1958 – President of BacktoBacktoBack Entertainment LLC.
- Started the success of basketball at Ohio State. Three straight final fours and one National Championship appearance. Best part of this experience was Tippy Dye because of his cool name. Went downhill after Harold Olsen left for Northwestern basketball (wait, Northwestern?!)
1898-1938 Intern with Rollercoaster Seasons Corp.
- Up and down years. Pre-NCAA tournament, but never won the Big Ten and lived in the middle of the conference. One All-American selection, Wes Fesler (you don’t know him either, how?!).
Photo Summary: I have been to OSU and my gosh do they say THE all the time. All. The. Time.
Current Position: 3rd in the SEC
Previous: Home to LeBron 2.0, 10 straight tournament appearances, Founder of the SEC
Education: Kentucky’s Playground
2015-Present – CEO of What the Heck is Happening Corp.
- Best player in generations, so they have to be in the top 5 right? Nope, toiling on the bubble and slowly slipping away.
1993-2015 President of Up and Down Inc.
- Could not figure out if they wanted to be good or bad, so they alternated between the two. Seven 20+ win seasons complimented by 10 losing seasons. Produced an impressive 16 NBA players but none are worth mentioning (Marcus Thornton is the star of the group).
1978-1993 – Frequent Visitor of The AP Top 10.
- Largely successful experience. 13 of 15 years in the tournament, seven years ranked in the top 10. Produced two great players during this time, Shaq and Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf (I mean he is better than Steph Curry, right Phil??). All-Star cleaning crew for cleaning up all the broken backboards.
1908-1977 – Intern at Mediocrity Inc.
- Remarkably average outside of Bob Petit and Pistol Pete. Two tournament appearances, one Final Four, lots of .500 years.
Photo Summary – Not only because Shaq literally broke backboards, but having the best player in generations and not making the tournament is like breaking a backboard (cool) and the glass falling all over you (not cool).
Current Position: Tied for 1st in the West Coast Conference
Previous: Proud Owner of the WCC, Early NCAA Tournament Exit, NCAA Tournament Cinderella
Education: The Downy soft west coast
2004-Present – Commissioner of the West Coast Conference
- On the bright side, they have won 12 straight (and counting) WCC regular season championships.
2006 – 2015 – CEO of WAWAG LLC. (Wait, Are We Actually Good?)
- Dominated a weak conference with 1 to 2 legitimate contenders. Was in the top 25 every single year. Scheduled good teams for pre-conference games to establish some good wins, which made it easier to produce huge let downs in everyone’s NCAA Tournament office pools.
1998 – 2006 – CEO of WWAAG LLC. (Wow We Are Actually Good)
- Created the high mid-major theme that is now omnipresent in college basketball. 17 straight tournament appearances. Your Mom still remembers these teams hitting buzzer beaters with Dan Dickau and the fellas. Everyone asks every year if the little team with the funny name is in the tournament.
1943-1998 – President of Look-Who-We-Had Inc.
- Survived by name dropping John Stockton. He turned out to be pretty good I hear. Otherwise, only one tournament appearance and many years of misery.
Photo Summary: Come on, it couldn’t have been anything else!