Saturday Night. Final Four. Loyola-Chicago vs. Michigan in what should be a battle for the ages… Or an absolute blowout depending on how much you buy into this Ramblers team. But let’s be honest, at this point does anyone even care about the actual Loyola-Chicago basketball team? Short answer is no…Because the heart and soul (or should I say holy spirit) of this Ramblers team is America’s sweetheart, Sister Jean. Don’t get me wrong, when they were playing for peanuts in the first few rounds of the tourney, Sister Jean was nice little feel-good storyline to keep the games interesting. But at this point, my girl is just completely full of herself. I mean did you see her press conference… a packed God damn house (folks), all hanging on every word the Mother Teresa of March had to say.
— Jeff Barker (@JeffBarker_) March 30, 2018
Jeff Barker. Straight Shooter. Tells it like it is with flair and unmatched originality. Take my word for it. But in all seriousness… I might actually buy into this. Much like the Based God Curse, or for Stoolies, the Rone Curse, there are some facts you just can’t ignore. I mean say what you want, but the woman has God on her side in a big way. That’s the kind of mojo you need to take an 11th seed team from the Missouri Valley Conference to the Final Four. If God’s a College Basketball fan, and it certainly seems like he is this season, then every team needs a spiritual leader like Sister J on their squad.
HOWEVA… Sister Jean isn’t the only social media icon involved in this game. Michigan also has quite the powerhouse personality on their side in Barstool Sports founder and Michigan Alumni Dave Portnoy, more popularly known as El Pres. While Sister Jean has God on her side, you have to take into account that Davey Pageviews signed a deal with the devil. All his enemies inevitably crash and burn, Bill Simmons, John Skipper, Cheese Boy and Roger Goodell to name a few…And now, he has the nation’s favorite Nun dead in his sights.
Somebody pony express this tweet to Sister Jean for me. pic.twitter.com/IcBKaXZT7F
— Dave Portnoy (@stoolpresidente) March 25, 2018
“Take the subway Sister Jean”
– Devilfish Dave
Finally, you have to take into account Dave’s newest weapon…Tommy Smokes. Formerly known as “Alarmingly Stupid”, Tommy is a Barstool intern, and also apparently the luckiest kid on the planet. Dave took Smokes to Vegas with him and has been on a heater ever since…In fact Pres won’t even let the kid leave his sight these days. The question is; Between Tommy Smokes and his deal with the Devil, does Portnoy have enough to take down the Holy Spirit of Sister Jean? We will just have to wait and see…
Has Anybody Ever Risen Faster In The Ranks Of Barstool Sports Than Tommy Smokes? https://t.co/fK7kUDs442
— Kmarko (@Kmarkobarstool) March 25, 2018