Some drama series’s write themselves and don’t require the fake excitement for television purposes. The Rivers Family drama is one that absolutely is real and happening from a sports fan’s perspective. Let’s start by saying Austin Rivers is the worst player in NBA history to ever average 15 points a game in the NBA and the only way this could have been possible is that his own father Doc Rivers let him play 33+ minutes per game. Austin Rivers is the classic example of a daddy’s boy who was only going to get playing time when playing for his father. Everyone has played on a team where the coach and his son try and run the show. My dad coached me and my brother for 3 years, so I guess maybe not every father-son coach-player combo is full of douche bags.

Doc Rivers went out of his way to get his son Austin on the Los Angeles Clippers and went way back out of his way to send his ass to Washington, D.C. Imagine your own father sending your ass packing, but it’s understandable considering everyone has seen how horrendous Austin Rivers has been the past couple seasons. For your own father to finally realize how awful you are has to be a tough feeling, especially when you get traded for a 34 year old WHO STILL ROCKS A FUCKING MOHAWK. The Clippers actually acquired Marcin Gortat in exchange for Austin Rivers and the Washington Wizards rejoiced. Clippers fans are getting an aging guy who hasn’t been good since he last signed his big contract. Overall, it really is an awful trade for both sides and one has to assume the Clippers are just going to blow their team up.

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This has to impact life at home for the Rivers’ though, right? I mean if your own blood, your father, the one who gave you life decides you aren’t worthy of a roster spot, that is a very low point in your life. I would be furious at my father if he traded me away, and the argument Doc had no control over this is complete bull shit. He is the head coach. You know when someone is getting traded and know damn well you can at least try and stop it. I imagine these two haven’t lived together in some time, but Thanksgiving and Christmas are going to be pretty awkward events moving forward.

Austin Rivers is now also going to have to deal with getting roasted by every other player in the NBA night in and night out. “YO OWN FUCKING DADDY DON’T WANT YO ASS.” is going to be really tough to recover from when Austin Rivers is slipping and falling trying to do spin moves during a real NBA game. It’s sad this former number 1 overall high school player (according to never panned out in the pros. What could have been will always be a mystery because he is such a selfish player who now has family problems on a new team that is already the most emotionally unstable squad in the league.

Momma Rivers is the only one who can try and fix these family issues and she has to take a side at some point. In every classic family fight whether it’s about money or about getting caught smoking the devil’s lettuce, your mom takes a side. So if Mrs. Rivers is the key piece to saving this entire family, we might just have to give them a Christmas special to watch the family drama unfold. I can promise I would be watching a Rivers Family Christmas episode with classic holiday songs playing in the background while everyone sits in still silence trying not to trigger anyone. Now I am excited for the NBA season to come back; that first Clippers-Wizards game is going to be one for the ages.

P.S. – I am not obsessed with the Kardashian’s I promise, I just can’t stop writing about them because they are the most polarizing family in the entire world right now.

– Johnny Rambos

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