Well folks, college has been an amazing four year ride, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to leave. But it’s time to face reality…I’m officially a washed up post grad with a degree from a Liberal Arts School known more for it’s bar scene than it’s education. With that being said, I still managed to pick up some nuggets of knowledge over the course of my educational career… So I figured I’d drop some expert Life Tips for those of you still working your way through school. Students, note-taking is encouraged but not required. Enjoy.
1. Don’t Be a Craft Beer Snob, the Cheap Stuff Works Just Fine
Hey bro, no one wants to hear about your overpriced Nitro Milk Stout that tastes like warm coffee. I was actually at a fancy restaurant the other night and was peer pressured into breaking my own rule…Ordered a nice Rye IPA, Rye-PA as the cool kids call em, and it unsurprisingly tasted like cat piss. So bottom line is don’t let society back you into a craft beer corner, Bud Light always gets the job done. Just don’t say Dilly Dilly, it’s not funny anymore.
2. “We Talkin ‘Bout Practice” – Allen Iverson
Always remember that school is just practice for the real world, so you are allowed to make mistakes…Sometimes the same mistakes over and over again. You are going to fail an exam, you are going to sleep through a class, you are going to overdraft your bank account, you are going to forget to close out your tab at a bar (most likely multiple times), you are going to send some drunk texts that you regret for the rest of your life, you are going to get completely housed drunk at dollar drinks night and humiliate yourself in front of all of your friends at least once or twice…but hey people…We Talkin Bout Practice here. So spend less time being embarrassed about the stupid shit you have done, learn from the experience, and use it to prepare for the actual game of life.
3. Parlays are Basically Taxes on Stupidity
So for some of you, this might sting to hear but let’s be honest, that 5 team parlay you placed this morning probably isn’t going to hit. You hit your first +600 parlay and think you are hot shit, but trust me you are going to give it all back if you continue to bet high odds parlays. I know it sounds simple to just string together 3 or 4 heavy favorites, but if one of them doesn’t hit, you most likely would have been better off betting each individual game straight up. Also, Don’t even get me started on Teasers…
4. Save Your Leftovers!
And not just the leftover Ribeye your Mom bought you from Outback Steak House when she came to town for parents weekend…Always ask for a box. Hell, I’ve got two cold McDoubles that I’m contemplating throwing in the microwave as soon as I hit submit on this blog. Judge me.
5. Actually Try to Go to Class Sometimes
So one of the dopest parts about College is how damn easy it is to skip class compared to High School. But folks, with great power comes great responsibility, and as fun as it is to skip class and play a little happy hour hooky, you just have to find that balance of fun and school work. Hell, you really don’t have to even pay attention when you get to class…You just have to make sure that you aren’t the kid who is completely lost because he hasn’t been to class since syllabus week. Sign the attendance sheet, mute your macbook, toss on some ESPN Watch, and just keep an ear out for important announcements. Easy as that. Bonus tip; Always be nice to the smart kids, they will remember it when you hit them up for their study guide two hours before an exam.
6. “Maybe you’re right…and they’re wrong”
It is often said that great minds thinks alike…this is certainly true. Brilliant, revolutionary minds however…operate in unimaginably unique, often peculiar, and sometimes unsettlingly bizarre fashions. Jonathan Swift, a 17th century Irish satirist once said, “When a true genius appears in this world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.” In short, don’t adjust your lifestyle to fit in with the crowd, even though your friends will inevitably roast you for it…..
7. Finally…STAY AS LONG AS YOU CAN!