As if being a Texas A&M fan isn’t depressing enough, we now have to watch our once golden child lifting up the Johnny Manziel Remembrance Trophy.

I still remember the day that Kyler AND that other cuck Kyle Allen both transferred from Kyle Station. It felt like if your girlfriend, whom you love very much, decided to dump you out of the blue and hook up with the Prom King and win Prom Queen; It should be you celebrating this moment with your loved one instead. Kyler is now on The Andy Jones Shit List. I don’t care how or why he did it (although I do know why and his name rhymes with Tevin Pumlin), but I’m heartbroken…

So let’s chat for a little bit. I’m stuck at work currently typing this up on my phone still heated as ever and I just wanna spit out some thoughts. Strap in because I’m as triggered as PETA when I open my deposit my paycheck at the butcher shop and not Einstein Bros.

How Did We Get Here?

Kyler was a huge name prospect coming out of Allen, Texas, and was a major grab for the Aggies. He was going to be out Johnny Football 2.0 and let me tell ya, I was more than excited for it. Sure, Texas A&M had Kyle Allen AND Kenny Hill, so yes, Murray would’ve been fighting for the starter’s role.

Spoiler Alert: he did get to play. And my, oh my, it was no JFF, but I was loving what I saw. Another year or two in the A&M “Air Raid” and I was having wet dreams about it. However, after his first season at A&M and heading into the offseason, there was smoke about some trouble in the QB room. To this day I have no clue about what or why, but this was no freshman hazing.

…and then it happened…

Boomer Sooner

So, during the CFB offseason, Kyler had made his decision to play elsewhere, and hey I was just coming to reality with that. “If you love something, let it go”….

That was until I saw that traitor go to the Sooners and his departure no longer settled well in my stomach. For those of you who don’t know, A&M was in the Big 12 until 2012, when they made the big boy decision to move up to the SEC (yes, I said it was a move up, don’t @ me). Oklahoma and Texas A&M were not the greatest of friends, so this almost felt like if one of your friends had swooped in and stolen your girlfriend from right under your nose.

But this wasn’t all that bad. A little known player by the name of Baker Mayfield was playing ELECTRIC football at OU, so Katy Perry’s favorite QB Trevor Knight decided to become a Grad Transfer and moved down south to Kyle Station.

And folks, let me tell ya that I was moister than an oyster when he arrived. This is the same QB that led OU in their quest to roll the Tide. And he would get that exact same chance come the season. Long story short, he was legally murdered in that game and it was not a fair trade for Kyler.

Where Are We Now?

Well, no shock here, but Kyler just won the damn Heisman trophy. And what does A&M have? A 7 OT win against LSU? Big whoop. There is a downside for OU however. They’ll be losing Kyler this summer due to the fact that he was drafted and signed by the Oakland Athletics.

So while Oklahoma might be celebrating right now, reality will smack them SOONER than they expect. I’ll give you two big reason why:

Kyler is GOING to play baseball over football.

I don’t know if you’ve seen him or not, but holy hell, Kyler is short (Did Texas A&M dodge a bullet? MY COLUMN:). 5’10 to be exact, and while Russell Wilson and Drew Brees have been major successes in the league at that height, I don’t get that sense with Murray. On top of the fact that he has a chance to make more money, have more fun, and probably most important of all, be safer in the MLB. Is it as exciting as the NFL? No. Will he remember playing sports when he’s 55 years old? Yes.

OU has Bama in the Playoff.

I mean come on. If you’ve watched any football this season, you’d see that Bama looks unstoppable. Yeah, Citadel and UGA both punched them in the mouth, but they still came back and won. Also, Bama has a small time player named Tua Tagovailoa. So there’s that.

So from the eyes of a Texas A&M fan, I’m depressed about this Heisman vote. I was rooting for the Minshew Mustache all season long and he’ll continue to be #MyHeisman (am I doing it right, SJW’s?). I can’t WAIT for Bama to smack Oklahoma around and I can’t wait to watch my soon-to-be Las Vegas Angels of Los Angeles of Anaheim go ahead a pitch a No-No against Kyler. #GigEm

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