Christian Bale has been nominated for four Academy Awards (far too little), has proven that he’ll go to any length to fit a role, and has blown audiences away in just about every performance he gives. That’s not why I’m here. I’m here to answer the burning question that every journalist has tried to answer. If Christian Bale’s characters fought in a no-rules street fight, who would win? I have assembled a ten-man bracket to determine this dire ask from film fans.
Play In Games
#8 Ken Miles (Ford v Ferrari) vs #9 Irving Rosenfeld (American Hustle)
Ken Miles did prove he can scrap when he fought Matt Damon’s character in Ford v Ferrari, but Irving Rosenfeld is a HOUSE. Miles is about 140 pounds. The only way Miles wins this fight is if he exhausts the out-of-shape Rosenfeld, but with one punch, he could crumple Miles. Rosenfeld moves on.
Winner: #9 Irving Rosenfeld (American Hustle)
#7 Dicky Eklund (The Fighter) vs #10 Trevor Reznik (The Machinist)
This is a true battle of lightweights. Dicky Eklund is crack addict thin while Reznik is mentally ill thin. I think that Reznik is a crazy man, but there are many reasons Eklund wins. First off, Reznik would be fighting both Eklund and Ivan from The Machinist (who isn’t real). That’s a true 2 v 1 disadvantage. Also, Ecklund did knock Sugar Ray Leonard down. What would suck about Eklund winning this fight and moving on is the fact that you’d constantly hear about it years later.
Winner: #7 Dicky Ecklund (The Fighter)
Round Of Eight
#1 Batman (The Dark Knight Trilogy) vs #9 Irving Rosenfeld (American Hustle)
Irving Rosenfeld one punched Ken Miles. He’s flying high and feeling great. Then, he walks into a dark alley and Batman is standing there. Batman would give Rosenfeld’s obese frame the beatdown of a lifetime. I mean, Jeremy Renner, (who plays a bizarre and stereotypical Italian character), threw Rosenfeld around in a fit of rage. Batman has fought teenage thugs in the streets of Gotham that are more powerful than Rosenfeld.
Winner: #1 Batman (The Dark Knight Trilogy)
#2 Gorr (Thor: Love and Thunder) vs #7 Dicky Eklund (The Fighter)
There is one, and only one, scenario where Eklund wins this fight. It’s if he talks so much about knocking Sugar Ray Leonard down that Gorr gets annoyed and blows his brains out. Other than that, the crack-addicted Eklund would get transported into another dimension by Gorr and killed by a giant, evil spider. Gorr’s powers are pretty strong, and a feeble character like Eklund would be more worried about getting his next score vs actually winning the fight.
Winner: #2 Gorr (Thor: Love and Thunder)
#3 Patrick Bateman (American Psycho) vs #6 Dan Evans (3:10 to Yuma)
Dan Evans can wield that old-time pistol all he wants, but when you’re staring down a Pat Bateman axe to the dome piece, the axe wins. What Bateman doesn’t have that other Bale characters have is a real conscious when he kills. I personally don’t think that Dan Evans is a very strong character and Bateman would take advantage of that. He’d mentally torment him and ask why he looks a little fat or why are you wearing that dumb shirt. Then when Evans is distracted, Bale would put the newspaper under him and chop his head off.
Winner: #3 Patrick Bateman (American Psycho)
#4 Alfred Borden (The Prestige) vs #5 John Connor (Terminator Salvation)
At first glance, this may feel like a tough matchup. In reality, it’s not. Alfred Borden isn’t just Alfred Borden: he’s also Bernard Fallon. I don’t care that Connor orchestrated an attack on a Skynet base, he can’t fend off two brilliant magicians like Borden and Fallon. Both Borden and Fallon are tough as nails as one of them had their fingers shot off while the other cut his fingers off. THAT IS NAILS. Borden is also a very bright individual as he through off Hugh Jackman’s character by writing an entire fake diary. That’s psychotic and bad ass. Borden advances.
Winner: #4 Alfred Borden (The Prestige)
Final Four
#1 Batman (The Dark Knight Trilogy) vs #4 Alfred Borden (The Prestige)
Here we have another matchup where Alfred Borden looks overmatched, but that’s not the case. Considering the two-man factor, Batman is already at a disadvantage. The only thing that needs to be accounted for is that he’s survived many gang attacks where it’s just him against a small crowd. This would be nothing new to him. Where I have some qualms is that Borden and Fallon can perform magic, but I don’t think that’d throw him off as much as it did Connor. Batman wins.
Winner: #1 Batman (The Dark Knight Trilogy)
#2 Gorr (Thor: Love and Thunder) vs #3 Patrick Bateman (American Psycho)
Yes, Gorr can teleport people to different parts of the galaxy. And yes, Gorr wields a sick sword. But he’s not as ruthless as Patrick Bateman. With this simply being a fight to decide the toughest character, Bateman wins; but if Gorr’s daughter is involved at all, then he’d ramp it up to another octave. The reason Gorr was killing Gods was because they disrespected him and the death of his daughter, but Bateman doesn’t care about that. All he cares about is listening to Phil Collins and Huey Lewis and the News, getting to his reservation at Dorsia, and killing the homeless. He’s a mean SOB and would best Gorr in a close dual.
Winner: #3 Patrick Bateman (American Psycho)
Championship
#1 Batman (The Dark Knight Trilogy) vs #3 Patrick Bateman (American Psycho)
I’ve made a bit of an observation. There is no real difference between Bruce Wayne and Patrick Bateman. They’re both rich, have no superpowers, and have random weapons. Bateman has the upper hand in that he has parents who weren’t killed. One point in Bateman’s favor. A drawback of this fight though is that if Bruce Wayne whips out a business card with subtle off-white coloring and a watermark, Bateman will fall to his knees.
What I think gives Bateman more of an edge is that when he kills people, he shows no remorse. Batman has a conscious. If Bateman had his nail gun pointed in Bruce Wayne’s direction while Hip To Be Square plays, then he wouldn’t think twice about killing him. Batman, because he’s a traumatized baby that’s scared of bats would think twice. That gives Bateman the quicker hand and the win. Yes, Batman is jacked, but Bateman can do a thousand crunches and jump ropes in his boxers. That’s the clear victor in my eyes.
Winner: #3 Patrick Bateman (American Psycho)
