Week nine was pretty solid. Hearts were broken, coaches were fired. Some other things happened, but we aren’t worried about it, it’s week ten, y’all. As you are reading this, week ten is actually already underway. MACTION has provided us with stupid football that no one should watch, but we do anyways because we love football. Miami University fell to Ohio University in the ‘Battle of the Bricks’, but it’s okay because Brick Street at Miami is the best bar in America and no football game will ever take that away from them. Central Michigan and Western Michigan battled for the title of ‘best directional Michigan’ and no one cared. Desmond Howard was the commentator and he is awful. However, there was a healthy amount of DMX played in K’Zoo, so it was a good game. MACTION aside, there is a ton of real football to be played this weekend. You’ll probably loosely follow a lot of it.
Thursday
Whaddaya know, another great night to skip college football. The semester is late into the third quarter. Stay at home and study. Go out to the bar again. Is it too cold to go to the bar? Buck up and go. That is, unless you’re a fan of the triple option. Navy is squaring off against hapless Temple and will probably run for about four million yards. When the triple option is rolling, it is a beautiful thing to watch. A perfectly-executed option attack is the purest form of offense. Watch Navy as they roll a Temple team who has not been accused of being a good football team since September. Or, go out and have fun, your choice.
Friday
Friday is actually looking like a lot of fun. Florida Atlantic hosts the young Thundering Herd from Marshall and Kiffin’s Owls have been one of the most prolific offenses in all of college football. If you’re a fan of points or Last Chance U, tune in to this game. FAU tight ends coach Clint Trickett is well on his way to being a head coach sooner rather than later. He’s got a great eye for the game and he’ll definitely be looking for a promotion given how the offense has performed.
Memphis was ranked by the fickle College Football Playoff committee. You’ll have a good chance to see them as they are the featured programming on ESPN on Friday night. They’ll take on Tulsa who blew the doors off of Houston two weeks ago. Memphis head coach Mike Norvell is going to make a lot of money when he eventually moves to a Power Five job. Tulsa could make this game interesting, but to be honest, I have no idea. Memphis could make the back end of the playoff rankings a little clearer by losing this game.
UCLA plays Utah in a largely irrelevant game in the grand scheme of things. Both squads are way behind the rear-view mirror in the PAC-12. The only reason to watch this game would be to see Josh Rosen try and carry a very, very bad UCLA team to a win. Utah is also pretty bad! If anything, bad teams are usually pretty competitive with one another.
There’s a ton of potential and surprisingly, it’ll be Group of Five teams carrying the load.
Saturday
It’s gonna be cold as hell in most places across the country. Get that jacket out of hiding and get to the tailgate. Games start at noon, so you better be up and at ’em by 8. Shrug off the bad taste in your mouth from the bar last night (or watching UCLA and Utah engage in a pillow fight of epic proportions), and get ready for a wild Saturday.
Drink of the Day
It’s cold now, so this can go a number of ways. Cold beer feels just a bit colder. This is an odd dilemma to consider, given that just a month ago there was no such thing as beer being too cold. The first Saturday in November will take us on a far different route than last week. Start your day with whatever is left in your fridge. On your way to the shower, grab a Natty and try to piece together your Friday night. Maybe you’re more of a Bud Light guy. If you are, thoughts and prayers your way.
After that hot shower, go for whiskey and cider. I recommend Wild Turkey. It mixes well, it’ll keep you warm. If you insist on sticking to beer, we’ll go with a classic. After all, nothing keeps beer cold quite like near-freezing temperatures. Two options here and no losers. A case of Rolling Rock is always a crowd pleaser, as is Hamm’s. It’ll be so cold, you won’t even need that foam-cooler from the grocery store.
The following is for freshmen: get Fireball. I promise you’ll neeeeeevvvvveeeeerrrrrr get sick of it.
Noon
Penn State travels up to East Lansing to take on the Spartans. According to the ‘experts’ and ‘meteorologists’, it’s lookin’ to be some pretty shitty weather for this football game. Therefore, Michigan State should be favored to win like 12-7. Those twelve points? Three safeties and two field goals. Michigan State football is your buff friend who smokes Marlboro Reds and cheap cigars. If Mark Dantonio had it his way, he’d go 12-0 every year with the smallest total point margin possible. Keep in mind, Spartan Stadium features natural grass instead of artificial turf. Mark Dantonio and shitty weather are the true most iconic duo.
Wisconsin travels to take on the best 0-5 conference team in the Big Ten. Indiana is due for a big win. Wisconsin seems content with scoring twenty points and laughing while you struggle to get a late field goal to make it a two score game. The Badger defense loves sitting on people and watching them turn purple while they gasp for air. I think Indiana finds a win here as Wisconsin’s offensive struggles finally catch up with them. Don’t put money on this take, betting on sports is stupid. 20-13 Indiana. No one is any the wiser for watching this game.
Florida and Missouri! Don’t watch this game.
Notably, Baylor travels to Kansas in a battle of really, really bad football teams. I’m out of synonyms for futility. According to StubHub, if you’re in the area you can go to this game for $3. THREE DAMN DOLLARS. Take your money to 7-11 and get another can of chew. I think Baylor is gonna turn this into a beat down, which is odd to say of a football team who is 0-8. Kansas is a special kind of bad. Baylor has at least been competitive in spots. 31-10 Baylor. Also, avoid this game.
Afternoon Shift
Clemson and NC State will engage in the good ol’ Textile Bowl. It’s not exactly the most heated rivalry in the world, but there is plenty at stake. Carter Finley Stadium has not been kind to visiting teams. Clemson has been one of, if not the most, impressive teams in the nation. Aside from a flukey loss to Syracuse, Clemson has been very impressive. No reason to think that Clemson should have a ton of trouble with the Pack. If NC State can pull this off, the ACC will be looking to Miami to carry the playoff hopes. Nobody wants that. 31-17 Tigers.
Kinnick Stadium is truly one of the special venues in the Big Ten. Ohio State hits to road to take on an Iowa team who, despite their record, plays very good football. The Hawkeyes are always tricky at home, and with as good a defense as they have, there’s no reason to think OSU will come in and dominate. I’m not confident Iowa will win this game. This will probably look more like a Big Ten game from the early 2000’s. 24-14 Ohio State.
Still-ranked Iowa State travels to Morgantown to take on the Mountaineers. This is where the magic stops for the Cyclones. Mountain Grier leads to ‘Neers to a win that ultimately decimates Iowa State’s Big XII hopes. I don’t expect the O/U to get blasted, but if West Virginia can limit turnovers, this could be a tough business trip for Iowa State. 35-20 WVU.
BEDLAM. Traditionally, this rivalry has been anything but. Recently, Mike Gundy has only two wins over Oklahoma. Neither defense has looked impressive enough to think that this will be a thumping either way. At any rate, this is essentially a playoff game. The winner will certainly get a good boost from the committee and the loser will have two losses in a conference where you can seldom afford one. First-year Sooner coach Lincoln Riley has lead Oklahoma to this point. I think Oklahoma gets it done in a shootout. 49-45 Sooners.
The Evening
Texas travels to Fort Worth to play TCU. No clue what happens in this one except that one team will win. TCU needs to find themselves on offense if they want to win this game. Texas has played to the level of all of their competition except for San Jose State and Baylor. If Ken Hill and TCU can’t get it together on offense, this could turn into an ugly game. Tom Herman and Texas are searching for a breakout win. 20-17 Longhorns.
The Little Brown Jug is at stake when the Golden Gophers head to Ann Arbor to take on Michigan. Michigan will probably win this pretty handily. Brandon Peters led Michigan to a big win over Rutgers, for what that is worth. If Michigan can continue to open up the offense and look good, this shouldn’t be all that interesting. 31-6 Michigan.
LSU gets to go on the road and take on Alabama. Nick Saban knows not of mercy. Saban claims to not care about rankings, but it’s hard to imagine that there aren’t plenty of clippings in the locker room reminding the Tide that they’re number two. A pissed off ‘Bama team could come out and win this game by 40. If LSU is up to the task, maybe Alabama only wins by 20. Alabama has run the ball well all year and if that doesn’t change, LSU is in for a loooooong night.
Virginia Tech and Miami square off in a renewal of an old Big East rivalry. Tech is currently the favorite (-2.5) and with good reason. Miami hasn’t beaten anyone of note and has not looked good doing so. Virginia Tech has been impressive, aside from a lone loss to Clemson. Miami doesn’t exactly boast a home-field advantage. I take VT with the points here. A relatively close game could turn into a second-half snoozer if Justin Jackson continues to look good. 41-27 Hokies.