Football season is right around the corner. It’s only like five months away, we’re almost there. We’re gonna have plenty of freshmen battling for playing time. More importantly, there will be plenty of freshmen battling through their first tailgates.
This is for you.
1. Standing around, nodding your head to the music and drinking
2. Wearing sunglasses
3. Carrying around a case of lukewarm beer
4. Playing cornhole
5. Playing that one game with a football and bowling pins
6. Talking about football with the boys
7. Listening to tunes with the boys
8. Calling every opposing fan that walks by a ‘douche’ under your breath
9. Offering those same people beers/shots as they get closer
10. Seeing hot chicks
11. Talking to hot chicks
12. Being too much of a pussy to talk to chicks that are too hot
13. Offering hot takes on your team
14. Skipping breakfast
15. Telling yourself that nine Busch Lights IS breakfast
16. Chewing tobacco
17. Smoking cigarettes
18. Slapping the bag
19. Not throwing up
20. Feeling better after throwing up
21. Calling a pledge a pussy even though he’s a pretty cool dude
22. Wearing a visor
23. Watching College Gameday
24. Aimlessly walking around campus with the boys
25. High-fiving alumni
26. Finding a bathroom moments before pissing your pants
27. Being a pasty white guy and not wearing sunscreen
28. Criticizing every other tailgate’s shitty choice of music
29. Drinking beer at 6 AM
30. Drinking beer from 6 AM til whenever it is you go to bed
31. Sending/receiving snapchats
32. Being hungover and freshly drunk at the same time
33. Going to buy more beer
34. Complaining about noon kickoffs
35. Telling the random kid you happen to be standing next to that the opposing team doesn’t actually suck, they’re actually on a four-game winning streak and have won six of their last seven!
36. Literally just being drunk
37. Declaring that the boys are back in town
38. Sneaking away from the tailgate to go get food
39. Going to Pancheros on Grand River (RIP)
40. Shooting the shit with the boys
41. Getting too drunk and completely missing the game
42. Going to College Gameday because your school is bad ass and hosts it
43. Commenting on the weather
44. Betting on sports
45. Thanking God you don’t go to a school that doesn’t care about football
46. Pigs in a blanket
47. Telling people about the glory days of high school football whilst chucking around a football
48. Mixing in a water
49. Yelling out random things just for the hell of it
50. Watching people jump through foldable tables
51. Never personally jumping through a foldable table
It’s almost football season boyos.