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Convicts Murder Catholics’ CFP Hopes

If you’re a college football fan, you gotta love when Notre Dame is having a decent season. Not because you actually root for them or anything like that, but because you get to hear the delusional Fighting Irish fans tell you how they’re the best team in history after an 11 point victory against Wake Forest.

 

Side Note: Has anyone ever met someone who roots for Notre Dame that went to Notre Dame? Or even has a family member that went there??? I think alumni hate the school and they just feed off being a cult for Irish Catholics. I mean, what the fuck is a subway alumnus? Most schools call those frauds. Nevertheless, back to the article.

 

You also have to love when Miami is good. On the one hand, you get to see which of your friends are racist when they call the players thugs and criminals for dancing/celebrating and passing around a turnover chain. On the other hand, in years like this, we get to revive the Catholics vs. Convicts rivalry. (Quick shoutout to the asshole who ruined his dream of playing basketball for Notre Dame by making those tshirts).

 

I cannot adequately express how hyped this rivalry gets me. You have all the “holier than thou” people acting like the fact they went to an extra mass at church on a Saturday morning before the game made God favor them. First of all, going to Church on a Saturday doesn’t make you a good Catholic, it makes you Jewish. Second of all, God doesn’t win football games, grit wins football games. And by God does this Miami football team have grit. They may showboat a little bit after the whistle, but between the whistles all 11 Miami players are BAAAADDDDD motherfuckers. The fans are bad motherfuckers 24/7 too, and that’s what makes them such a great adversary for the altar boy Notre Dame fans.

 

Let’s get into the preview.

 

Notre Dame has no good wins this year. They have one good loss. That’s enough to make them a college football playoff contender? Give me a break.

 

“But they beat USC and Michigan State!”

 

WOWWWWWWW… they beat two teams that are above average in their conference, in conferences that will most likely be left out of the CFP. Congratu-fucking-lations.

 

“But we only lost to Georgia by 1!”

 

Again. Congratu-fucking-lations. You still lost. And it was at home. That’s a two possession game on even a neutral field.

 

This is their first true test. The ACC is the best conference in football and Miami just might be the best team in that conference. You know that pains me to type out considering my name is Clemson Carl, but I have to give credit where credit is due.

 

Miami isn’t a team that has any Heisman candidates, but they are SOLID from top to bottom. The defense is giving up less than 18 points a game. The offense isn’t flashy, but they seem to put up points whenever needed.

 

Notre Dame does have a Heisman candidate in Josh Adams. The weakest part of Miami is their run defense, so even in a loss, Adams could put up numbers that earn him some Heisman votes. But Notre Dame just isn’t a complete team. I can’t figure out the defense. They hold NC State to 14, then give up 37 to Wake. And the QB play by Wimbush is atrocious. His completion percentage is just above 50%. He wouldn’t even start at most other D1 schools, yet somehow people think a team led by that guy will get in the playoffs? They do have an awesome O-Line which makes Josh Adams look even better, but I just don’t think it will be enough for them to win.

 

Miami’s defense is going to FEAST on Wimbush’s mistakes. Expect that turnover chain to be passed around more than Mia Khalifa at the FSU football house. Notre Dame’s run game will keep the game close (and will also make the under a good bet), but at the end of the day Miami will emerge with a W and Notre Dame’s playoff hopes will be crushed.

 

Bottom line is the U is back. Take the Miami money line. If you’re feeling saucy parlay that with the under and thank me later.

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