We’re back, folks! After a few weeks on the job for me and a few weeks of off-the-grid redneck shenanigans for Joey, we’ve returned to give you an Easter edition of the best question and answer column in America. Joey has a lot to catch up on, and we had a lot of great questions come in over the last few weeks. Our apologies for just now getting to them. Some of the questions are from past weeks, but I just had to include these answers in this edition. Now, let’s get to the responses from the ever-wandering mind of Eutaw celebrity Joey Freshwater. If you have a question for next week’s edition, shoot them over to dearjoeyfreshwater@gmail.com. You can also DM them to me @gray_robertson on Twitter. Anonymity guaranteed, as always. Let’s see what Joey has to say this week.
It’s Spring Break all across the South, Joey, and I KNOW you like to party. What’s your craziest Spring Break story?
I never went to any school past grade 9, but I did go on spring break with a couple of my friends one year that got pretty nuts. Me and all of my friends went down to L.A. and had ourselves a ball. L.A., or Lower Alabama as most people know it, is gorgeous in the spring time and they have some great turkey hunting. Me and my buddies were out hunting in the woods and somehow got lost and ended up on opposite sides of a turkey. One of my friends shot, completely missed the turkey, and ended up putting bird shot all over my friends behind. We had to spend hours picking shot out of his backside and to this day we never allow the fellow who shot him to hunt with us.
This NFL offseason has been NUTS. Are there any free agent moves or trades that you love?
I’m a big fan of everything the Cleveland Browns are doing. In my opinion, the Browns need to put so much talent around their quarterback so that whatever scrub they throw in there can’t help but succeed. It’s an unpopular opinion, but you do not need a franchise quarterback to win games in the NFL. The Jaguars figured that out a few years ago when Bortles wasn’t what they expected. The Jags made good draft picks, solidified their defense, and made it to the AFC championship game this year. Rex Ryan is another coach who figured this out and went to two consecutive AFC title games on the back of Mark Sanchez. It’s hard to believe, but Rex Ryan liked Mark “Butt Fumble” Sanchez so much Rex got a tattoo on his arm of his wife in a Sanchez jersey. Perhaps the most obvious example of success with no quarterback is when the Broncos won a Super bowl with Peyton Manning playing like a shell of his former self. People always forget, but the Broncos could have won a Super bowl with almost any other NFL quarterback in the pocket that year. Manning threw a whopping 9 touchdowns and 17 interceptions and rode the coattails of the greatest defense in NFL history all the way to a ring. At one point, Manning even got benched for Brock Osweiler. However, despite everything I said, Tyrod Taylor has proven he is not a scrub and can win games on a bad team. Picking up a quarterback in free agency who is a definite NFL starter is the first smart quarterback move the Browns have made in years.
How will you rate this season for Alabama basketball? Is it a disappointment because of the 16-losses this year, or as an Alabama fan are you just glad that the Crimson Tide got back in the NCAA Tournament and won a game?
I would rate this season as a B+ for Alabama basketball. Winning a tournament game made me so happy to be a Bama basketball fan and I think it did wonders for our program. Although we didn’t do as well in the regular season as most would like, getting to the tournament shows recruits that if they come to Alabama, they will have a chance to play on college basketball’s biggest stage. Also, Avery Johnson proved this season he can develop young players, making me much more confident with him as our coach. Donta Hall’s improvement this season gives me hope that Herb Jones, Dazon Ingram, and John Petty will continue to grow in this program.
Sister Jean has taken the world by storm, Joey. She has effectively cursed Miami, Tennessee, Nevada, Kansas State, and I’m pretty sure Kentucky lost because of her too. Have you ever seen a public figure like Sister Jean who is literally perfect? How much do you love her?
I’ll be completely honest. I am a big Sister Jean fan, but I don’t think her religious affiliation has any juju. As a life long Catholic, I don’t think God has any opinion on sports, but Sister Jean seems to have convinced every team Loyala has played He does. I love that old nun and her sassy responses in interviews and I hope that team can make it to the finals. (Editor’s Note: They didn’t. Joey was very upset in a text I got last night.)
Okay Joey, you’ve got five minutes with Collin Sexton to chat. What do you say to him? Do you urge him to stay one more year or thank him for a great season in Tuscaloosa? I’m really curious how you’d handle this one.
I can’t see a situation where Collin Sexton wouldn’t want to say. All I would tell him is how many national championships we can win while he is here. In the past four years, Alabama has won two national championships and, if that doesn’t make him want to stay, I don’t know what will. Winning nattys regardless of what sport is so hype that I expect Sexton will want to stay.
This is a two-week question, Joey. This week, I want your gut reaction pick for the Masters. Next week I’ll ask something more in-depth, but right now I want your champion for this year.
Jordan Speith has this tournament in the bag. I am a huge Speith fan and, man, do I love that receding hairline. He is too good in the clutch for me to even doubt him to win. Yes I love Tiger, but there is no doubt Speith is the best golfer in the PGA right now. I hope Tiger is able to make a comeback, but there is no way he can edge out the best golfer in sports right now.
Joey, I’ve got a problem. I’m dating a girl who doesn’t understand football. We’ve known each other for a while and we hang out all the time, but it wasn’t until I brought up Georgia’s Spring Practice (GO DAWGS!) that I realized that she literally doesn’t get it. I guess all the time we’ve known each other I didn’t noticed that she never added to the conversation. I tried to explain the game to her, but she just said, “I just don’t get it,” and gave up. Is this a deal-breaker? Should I require her to sit with me a few hours a week so I can teach her about football? Help, because I’m torn.
You do not understand how well I know this problem. I have dated plenty of girls who do not understand football, and I continue to talk their ear off about it. If she truly loves you (she has to truly love you if you’re a Bulldogs fan), she will understand your love for college football. If she ever tells you to shut up about football, then she isn’t the one for you. I will stand by that statement until my third wife accepts me back in the house.
If you want to ask Joey something in next week’s column, shoot us an email at dearjoeyfreshwater@gmail.com. You can also tweet me or DM me your questions, just send them to @gray_robertson. Anonymity is always guaranteed. Have a great Easter Sunday and a great week!