I went 2-1 last week. Both Temple (fucking finally) and Louisiana-Lafayette won as at least a six point underdog. I want to take this time to toot my horn a little bit. I have like 12 or 13 wins now (I stopped keeping track a few weeks ago), picking only underdogs. The only time I won with a non-underdog was Week 4, the first time I picked my beloved UAB Blazers. Since then, I have not done much other than win you guys money if you actually believe in my organized chaos. I will not be doing the actual math until after the regular season ends, but just know if you bet with me every single time, you would be a wealthy man or woman or dog or space alien or banana or whatever you identify as.
Florida could literally only win in these picks
I mean do you know what a Gator would do to a fucking Gamecock? It’s like that one scene of the Love Guru where Mike Meyers’ character is delivering the letter to Darren Roanoke’s ex-wife, but Justin Timberlake’s character has a guard rooster for some reason. Then Mike Meyers kills the rooster and holds its head in its mouth.
So imagine that, but then like times a billion or a zillion (I haven’t done all the math yet), and that’s what a Gator would do to a Gamecock.
Duke would be nothing without Army
Coach K was not always the eternally frowning, small-mouthed coach he is today. Believe it or not, there was a time when he was a young man just like you or I. During this time long, long ago, he was a combo guard for the West Point basketball team. A young cadet, learning the ins and outs of basketball.
His point guard mentality combined with his military discipline background has led him to be one of the greatest coaches in the history of college basketball. Before him, Duke’s basketball team was essentially nothing. He owns 47% of the program’s all time wins, all but four of their Final Four appearances, and all five of their National Championships.
The point is, no one would know what Duke is without Army. Duke is a national brand now and one of the most recognizable names in college sports. But without Coach K they would be nothing. And without West Point, Coach K would be nothing. Go Black Knights.
Michigan State can control the weather
In last week’s game against the Penn State Nittany Lions, Sparty did not seem to be satisfied with the feel at the beginning of the 12:05 start time game. Trailing 14-7, they showed their cosmic powers and created a superstorm. One that deterred even the toughest of sports to step on the field. They can bash their heads against each other 40+ times per game, but they can’t take a little lightning. Soft.
Regardless, Michigan State utilized their relationship with the gods to unleash a 3 hour and 22 minute weather delay. I don’t know many things, but I do know that a team that can control the weather is probably capable of much more powerful things on the football field. They beat PSU and now control their own destiny in the Big Ten West.
I don’t know what will happen in this game, but the universe is stirring. Michigan State has again been using their cosmic powers to brew up some advantages and I fear for the Buckeyes. Maybe it will be more weather, maybe an injury to the most interesting player in the world, J.T. Barrett. Maybe it is something that causes Urban Meyer to not call any running plays despite his extremely successful freshman running back (oh wait… he did that on his own last week). Regardless, Buckeyes beware. Go Sparty.