Last week, I told you guys that I was actually a football guy. The secret is officially out. I know that is hard to believe coming from a guy that makes picks based on how much a school costs and who has the cooler mascot. But, if you need proof, here is a real football guy article. I warned everyone about last week being the week of gambling Commandment 3. It was bigger than just what I said, too. Syracuse beat Clemson. And yes, the mask is off now. PJ Guippone and El Pollo are one and the same. This is a better reveal than that time Tony Stark told everyone he was Iron Man.
For the weekly laundry things, I have broken the ten-win threshold. Following last week, I am 10-12. One of these weeks I will do the math to show me how much money I could have been making you if you have been listening to me. Not this week, though. I don’t like math very much. Also, UAB won again as 6.5 point underdogs, bringing them to 5-1 against the spread and 2-1 as 6+ point underdogs. Go Blazers.
Eastern Michigan, just because it’s East
I am an east coast guy. I have lived my whole life in the greater Philadelphia area. My family is from Boston and New York. I love all those cities (except New York, I kinda hate New York). I have seen the west, and it is beautiful, but the lifestyle just isn’t the same. The east coast just works. It is always running at full speed and there is something about that that is just fantastic. Eastern Michigan isn’t on the east coast, but it says Eastern and Western Michigan is the opposite. This is a stupid one, but whatever. Take Eastern Michigan.
Cincinnati, basketball school
This week, a lot of the preseason conference polls came out for the college hoops season. Even though Wichita State might be all the way back, Cincinnati was voted by the media to win the American Athletic Conference. They are squaring off against SMU this week, who is third in the preseason conference poll. Take that information how you will, but what it means to El Pollo is the electricity is going to be felt throughout the Cincinnati athletic department and the Bearcats (stupid mascot) will win at home against the Mustangs (cool mascot). I need basketball back so bad.
Kansas
Fuck, now I’m just thinking about basketball. I don’t even know if I can finish this column. I’m so flustered. THE NBA IS BACK ON WEDNESDAY. Do you know how fucking important that is. The Sixers might be a fucking team. Villanova has a five-star center and one of the best point guards in the country. God damn it I am so amped. Guys! Do you fucking understand basketball is almost back? Holy shit this world is electric. Sports are never better than in early fall.
Ok fine I guess I have to finish the column. Since I was thinking of basketball, Kansas stood out to me because anytime I see the Jayhawk I think of Allen Fieldhouse and then I think of basketball greatness and then I cry a little. And honestly, what is this column for other than saying “fuck it” and just throwing shit out there. They are 37.5 point underdogs at TCU, which is one of the five best teams in the country. So honestly I’m pulling the biggest fuck it ever and just saying Kansas because I can only think about basketball right now.
Wow I miss basketball.
P.S.
Don’t actually pick this one. Take UAB favored by a touchdown instead. Or LA Tech favored by 1.5. DO NOT EVER PICK KANSAS TO WIN ANY GAMES EVER.
P.P.S.
If you actually read this and enjoy the column, send me some suggestions on Sunday or Monday of the week. I’m only a man, and although my brain is far above average size and I’m smarter than the average bear, help me out. We are all El Pollo.