PJ Guippone

The way this season started, it almost seems like knowing stuff about football doesn’t even really matter anymore. Texas, again, is 100% not back, despite what many experts predicted. Howard pulled off one of the biggest upsets in the history of college football, and Liberty wasn’t far behind. Also, UCLA had a comeback that turned Texas A&M into the Atlanta Falcons, and Deondre Francois’ knee exploded. A lot of other things fell into place, but it looks like it’s going to be an insane season overall.

That pays off for me big time because now El Pollo knows just as much as everyone else. Still, last week didn’t go swimmingly. My pride took a big hit as Notre Dame absolutely rocked my Temple Owls. I may need to reevaluate where I place my pride in the future. Unfortunately, I am loyal to a fault and still believe in my Owls. Also, West Virginia could not do for the nation what they did during the Civil War, which with the historical context I gave it, makes it much more of a loss than if it was just a football game.

Regardless, a new week brings new matchups.

First, we take a trip to Chapel Hill for a matchup that I really wish was a basketball game. Louisville is making the trip east to take on the Tar Heels. UNC has been in back-to-back title games on the hardwood and returns Joel Berry at point guard. Louisville is coached by Rick Pitino, who recruits guys by gifting them prostitutes. Either way, this game is much better on the court, with an outcome largely leaning on home-court advantage. UNC is home in this one on the gridiron, so let’s pick an upset for the baby blue. I miss basketball so goddamn much wow.

Pitt and Penn State play an in-state rivalry game in State College this week. This really is not going to be much of a game, but I want to shed some light on Penn State’s tailgate scene. They opened their season against the Akron Zips (one of my picks for best mascot in the country), and prevailed 52-0. Before the game, though, this happened.

https://twitter.com/5thYear/status/904473167493726208

If this is how the fans are cooking in a game that doesn’t matter against Akron, imagine them for a game against a rival that is also bad and upset them last season. Nittany Lions by a billion.

My pick of the week is Miami.

In their opener against Bethune-Cookman, the Miami defense debuted their new motivational tactic, the turnover chain. If you have not seen it yet, prepare to get hypothermia from the ice, even though it’s only a picture.

After seeing this picture, my opinion of Miami changed drastically. Their clout is literally on level 1,000,000. There is just no way they lose a game this season now. After this picture was released, the Vegas line for every Miami game was increased by 25 points in favor of Miami. Just give them the fucking trophy now so they can turn that shit into a chain too and then they just send the world into a new ice age. Miami is back, baby.