PJ Guippone

The National Championship is all set after a semifinal that consisted of one of the best games in college football history and a game that I couldn’t even sit through. Georgia and Alabama are now set to square off in Mercedes Benz Stadium in Atlanta next Monday at 8.

For all but the seemingly endless hordes of SEC fans that chant the conference’s initials at the end of a victory, this is not the most welcome matchup. For the rest of the nation that likes good, interesting football, it is easy to sum up the feeling.

All in all, it makes next Monday one of those times where imbibing is not only encouraged for a sporting event, but a necessity. For the Rose Bowl, drinking was simply an enhancement of the viewing experience. For the Sugar Bowl, it was a way for Clemson fans to forget about their unending misery. But for the National Championship, imbibitions are a way to make the event viewable.

After my initial reaction to the matchup, which included a lot of the above feelings, I began to think about all the potential in this game. Although the game is not something that intrigues me in literally any possible way, there is more to that in sports. Things are going to be happening all around the stadium and the broadcast to drive this event into the stratosphere. Grab your drink of choice and turn these sure-to-happen events into a dangerously effective drinking game that will have you enjoying the faux SEC championship in no time.

The Apprentice can now become the master

Kirby Smart has succeeded in taking his alma mater to the National Championship after only two years at the helm. Before his time at Georgia, he served as a long time assistant under Nick Saban. But I’m sure you already knew that. If you didn’t, it’s probably because you play trap music at unsafe volumes instead of the broadcast, or because you are deaf. It is a fact that is announced roughly 4 times a game when Georgia and Alabama are not facing off, so I can only imagine the frequency when Saban and Smart are standing on opposite sidelines. Every time a version of this is uttered, take a drink. Depending on when you start keeping track, this could get a bit out of hand. I suggest starting during the pregame festivities so you will be in the right frame of mind by kickoff.

Finish your glass because of glasses

Georgia kicker Rodrigo Blankenship is one of the more noticable faces in all of college football. Throughout the season, his signature maybe-goggles-maybe-glasses look has caught Twitter by storm and been a main buzz around the Bulldogs program.

He’s also pretty good at what he does considering his 55 yarder going into half turned the tide of the game. You can go one of two ways with this one. First, keep it simple, any time he hits a field goal, finish your drink in honor of the fact that there is someone that looks like that simultaneously succeeding at the division one level’s highest stage. Second, keep Twitter open during the game and take a drink every time he is mentioned in any capacity throughout the entirety of the game. It really just depends on how much you want to remember this game.

Saban almost the GOAT

Nick Saban has five national championships. The most in the history of college football is six by the great Bear Bryant. Other than having more championships and a higher winning percentage, his signature hat is what is really keeping him at the number one spot of best coach of all time. With a championship this season, though, Saban can move into a tie in titles. If this gets mentioned once during the broadcast, it will get mentioned a hundred times. I think you know where I’m going with this one.

S-E-C! S-E-C! S-E-C!

I imagine even if I do watch this game, I will watch it without sound and this is one of the main reasons. There are a lot of things that annoy me. But, none of them really compare to SEC fans chanting the name of their conference at a game that includes their team on a national stage. This is a game on a national stage with TWO of those teams. I expect the chanting will be insufferable. Every time you hear the chant, take one drink per SEC. This is another one that could get hairy.

 

Kung Fu Kenny is a master

In my 2017 year in review, I gave Kendrick Lamar the top 2 spots of “best rap albums of the year,” so I might be a tad bit biased. But, Kendrick is already one of the best rappers of all time. He is performing at the halftime show of the National Championship and that will probably be the highlight of the entire broadcast. While watching his holiness grace the stage, I want you to be in your head a bit. Every time you think, “God damn this dude is absolutely from another universe,” I want you to take a drink. Don’t be surprised if you motor through at least four beers during halftime alone.

A few others from the Student Union Team

  • Every time the announcers refer to Nick Chubb and Sony Michel as “Thunder and Lightning.”
  • If they mention Georgia used a RB or WR on the scout team to simulate Jalen Hurts.
  • Donald Trump will be in attendance. Trump-related drinking is always encouraged. Take this in the direction you want. Either every time he is shown or every time he is referenced will do.
  • Every time the cameras focus on a star player’s girlfriend. Take the amount of drinks for how you rank them 1-10.

Please play irresponsibly.