As an Ohio State fan it feels good to know that the Buckeyes have the second best coach in college football: Urban Meyer. He’s 66-7 in his time at Ohio State, which ranks near the top of the nation since he began his tenure. He has won a national championship in Columbus and has been to 2 playoffs already. In the biggest game every year against That Team Up North, Urban is 5-0, which is the best start by an Ohio State coach against those scumbags. If I didn’t hate them so much, I might feel bad that we get such great coaching while they have to suffer with one of the worst coaches in the country.
By worst coaches in the country, I’m of course talking about Jim Harbaugh. Sure he did alright in the Pac 12 (woohoo); he succeeded in the worst football power 5 conference. In a real man’s conference like the Big 10, he’s not good at all. Let’s look at some coaches that are better than him.
We are going to come out of the gate strong and start with Charlie Weis. Since Jim Harbaugh only has 2 years in a real college football conference, we will only look at Weis’ first couple years. If we are being honest, Kansas doesn’t count as power 5 in football, so we will look at Notre Dame. Weis’ first couple years at Notre Dame he went 19-6. Harbaugh’s first 2 years at Michigan he’s 20-6. Harbaugh can’t have a better record even though every year he gets to play basically FCS teams like Purdue, Illinois and Buttgers. C’mon Jimbo. You’re telling me that to be college football’s highest paid coach you only have to be as good as Charlie Weis? Seems pretty easy to me, but just to be sure, let’s look at some other coaches that are superior compared to Harbaugh.
Next is a man who fans are clamoring to be fired. The man they call Bert. The man who many are unsure how he possibly ended up with his wife. Bret Bielema. We are going to look back at Bret’s first couple years in the Big 10 at Wisconsin. While looking at these we must remember that That School Up North has more national recognition than Wisconsin, so Jim’s record should probably be better than Bret’s. In Bret’s first couple years at Wisconsin, he went 21-5, which is a full game better than Harbaugh, but not as good as Urban Meyer’s 24-2 (Insert Bosa Shrug here).
Many fans of Jim will say “oh no way, Wisconsin just had an easier non conference schedule. They didn’t go through the gauntlet like we did. I mean we had to play a ranked BYU team (in 2015) and the mighty Hawaii Rainbow Warriors (in 2016). What about the second best team in the state of Oregon coming to the Big House, or UNLV running across the country to meet us?”
But upon further review, the call on the field is overturned (thanks B1G refs) all of those teams actually suck. Also in Bret’s first year, the Badgers finished tied for 2nd in the Big 10 as a whole. Unfortunately, The Team Up North’s savior, Jimmy, has yet to finish higher than 3rd place in the Big 10 East! Wow, what results and what a great way to spend 9 million dollars a year.
Lastly let’s compare Jimmy Boy to the man he replaced, the man, the myth, the legend, Brady Hoke. For this we have some extended stats. We have stats through their first 31 games at Michigan. Both men have a 24-7 record. After that we start to go downhill for Jim. Jim has yet to win a NY6 game, and the great Brady Hoke did win a BCS bowl in his first few years there. Even deeper, boil it down to stats vs rivals. As Buckeye fans we all remember John Cooper, who had great years at OSU, but was only 2-10-1 vs That Team Up North, so we replaced him with someone who could win that rivalry, Jim Tressel.
Jim Harbaugh remains winless against the Buckeyes (and it’s going to stay like that for a while) and he has a 1-2 record against their other rivals, the Spartans. That has Jim’s record against rivals at grand total of 1-4, hello John Cooper 2.0. Even Brady Hoke beat OSU one time, and in his first 31 he was 1-1 against both OSU and MSU, for a grand total of 2-2. Maybe, if That Team Up North wants to beat their rivals, they should replaced this Khaki-clad buffoon with a real coach like Brady Hoke.
Maybe Jim Harbaugh just has a problem with being better than extremely overweight college coaches, or maybe he’s just not a good coach. All I know for sure is that at Ohio State they wouldn’t pay 9 million a year for a 3rd place in the Big 10 East. So maybe Jimmy should start winning big games or maybe he should go back to a lesser conference, like, say, any other conference in college football. Big 10 forever, Go Bucks.
Now for your viewing pleasure, here are pictures of Bert and his wife, who he quite possibly paid to marry him.
