The history of the world is riddled with things far too perfect to be the work of human hands. The pyramids attain geometric perfection. Ancient Maya achieved numerous advances that were thousands of years ahead of their time. A hotel in Australia is home to a giant beer can that, if filled, could hold over 5,800 gallons of beer. For further examples, a more accurate and truthful history is documented on History Channel’s Ancient Aliens.
It has been rare to see phenomenon like these in sports, though. This season, we are being introduced to one of the newer alien creations, Saquon Barkley. I’m sure many of you are familiar with the Percy Jackson book series. Our demographic seems to be the same as the books’, so I feel confident in this. The creation of Saquon Barkley makes this story appear like an anecdote from Little House on the Prarie.
The history of Greek mythology is not one that is foreign. The themes permeate modern culture and the stories are told throughout schooling. The names of Zeus and Hermes are found on the lips of millions daily. It is in our media and our literature. But, would you believe me if I told you it rules our gridiron, as well?
It all began millions of years ago
The world is hardly inhabited. The animals roaming look more similar to the Liger from Napolean Dynamite than anything we know today. Volcanoes erupted like a pubescent boy that just started to get surprise boners. This is when the gods ran the world.
All gods have power, but some reign supreme with mental ability. Some hold concern for their own futures. Of course, gods are immortal, but are their legacies? Is their power truly infinite, or does it fade as quickly as a spiderman tattoo on a six year old’s cheek? The truth is, power is only infinite when passed down to a son or daughter. The process is longer than a bond your grandmother gave you at your First Communion, but the payoff is as if she gave you fifty.
Before Nike ruled the sneaker market as a brand, the name was known best as the Greek goddess of speed and victory. Nike discovered this truth about her power and decided she wanted to create a human that would one day rule over his domain. She searched for the perfect partner to create this beast. She kept her intentions secret because only her creation would one day rule the world.
A combination between herself and Apollo would create the perfect archer warrior. If combined with Cupid, the creation could fly around super, super fast and shoot people in the ass with arrows. Hephaestus was just ugly as shit and Hades annoyed her and definitely tried to touch her before so she was out on those two. Nothing seemed right.
So she left Olympus in search of a perfect partner for creation. After thousands of years of searching, she began to fear for her power. While trying to create, did she simply destroy herself? In this very moment it hit her. It hit her like a brick and she laughed at herself. How did she not think of this yet? Nike was limiting her options to full gods and forgot one of the strongest in all of the world. She forgot about Heracles (or Hercules if you only know the Disney movie).
Her speed and persistence to victory combined with his power and strength would create a superhuman. It would create one that would rule over his dojo. So they combined their powers and buried them deep under the ground in a magical land called The Bronx in an uninhabited place called New York. They named his aura Saquonus and they knew he would be special. But in reality, they underestimated his true potential.
Now, thousands of years later, he rules his realm
You have seen the statistics. The 405 pound power clean, the 650 pound squat, the thirty reps at 225 pounds on bench. That is simply what Hercules gave him. That is simply off the field.
But in his true arena, he is the best there is. He showed off his true ability against the Hawkeyes of Iowa and it has only been uphill since then.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UogLrXNbMlA
You may be thinking, “Ok this dude is insane, there is no way two Greek gods inserted their auras into an orb in the ground under The Bronx just to secure their own power.” But what you should be thinking is, “Some people just aren’t human, this isn’t that crazy. Maybe it is true. Maybe anything is possible. I guess the Greek gods did exist. Maybe there are more like him. Maybe LeBron is one of them as well.” And if you are in that latter camp, then you are already on the right page. Don’t expect his powers to wilt anytime soon. Not after a top-5 draft pick. Certainly not after a 10+ year NFL career. Saquon Barkley simply is not a human being. And now you know the truth.