Andy Jones

Lavar 3:16 “For God So Loved The World That He Sent Me Amazingly Talented Yet Ugly Suns, And If The Lakers Believe In Them, Then Their Franchise Shall Be Saved”

In The Name Of The Baller, The Sons, and The Lonzo 2’s…

Everyone knows about Sister Jean by now. The 98-year old team Chaplin for the Loyola Chicago Rambler’s has excelled into the national spotlight, and has even gone on record to call herself an “International Sensation”…

Now, I love all the hype and popularity she is gaining. We get someone like this, year in and out, and to be perfectly honest, I’m done with it. Yes, a Cinderella story with some type of character coming along with it is fine and dandy, but I want more than that. I want the Christian Laettner day’s back, or in the NBA, the Detroit Pistons Bad Boys era. So, while watching some 2nd round games, I came up with the perfect heel to this March Madness….

Sister Lavar:

A Few Quotes From Our New Founded Heel:
“I Could Take Mother Theresa In Her Prime”

“I Only Needed 5 Days Of Creation”

“Jesus May Have Walked On Water, But Gelo’s Jumpshot Is Wetter”

“Thou Shall Stay In Thy Lord’s Lane”

“No False Block Call Shall Go Unpunished, And A Ball Who Breathes Out Lies Will Perish”

Yes, we take one of America’s most hated men (And Smartest Business Man) and we put him in place of Sister Jean. This would make 3 things happen:

  1. ESPN wouldn’t know what to do with themselves. They already love Lavar like a child, and with Sister Jean’s body, it’d be a match made in storyline and coverage Heaven.
  2. While Sister Lavar would be a representative of Loyola Chicago, we’d still get quotes about the Ball Boys and outrageous sayings. ” Jesus was the original Big Baller… He wore the LaMelo 4’s” “Lonzo’s vertical is higher than Heaven itself”
  3. Loyola Chicago would instantly become one of the most famous March Madness teams of all time. Sister Lavar would lie out the ass about stats, but they would be as memorable as a Steph Curry’s Davidson team or J.J Reddick at Duke. Sister Lavar would state “Loyola Chicago has an Enrollment of 200,000 people (In reality, 17,000) and our Stadium hold 90,000 (Reality, 5,000).”

Just imagine the Freaky Friday type feelings these two would get combine into one evil heel for College Basketball. Sister Lavar would be hooting and hollering at referees with the Harry Potter scarf on and blanket resting on its lap. Rolling over to head coach Porter Moser and just causing all hell to break loose. So, next time you see or hear about Sister Jean or Lavar Ball in the news, just remember that their combined powers would throw college basketball into a free fall and make for some of the greatest stories of the century. This is only if his son’s can actually show that they can play in the NBA and he gets out of Lithuania, but we can only hope.