Andy Jones

By now, you have heard everything about Loyola Chicago: from the Rambler’s small stadium to Sister Jean (or Sister Lavar), to Alumni coming out to celebrate this small school’s Cinderella story. But recent research on the good ol’ internet has come up with yet another undiscovered treasure…

“Dear FBI…”

That’s right, Stanley Hudson (aka Leslie David Baker) is an Alumni from Loyola Chicago. Leslie has a B.S in Psychology and before becoming a fan favorite on the hit TV show “The Office”, he used to work as a teacher. So guess what, Sister Jean, I’ve officially decided to give you the boot as the Rambler’s Leader of Moral and have now given the honor to one of the most positive, outgoing, and all around talkative guys, Stanley Hudson:

“HEY, SISTER JEAN…”

Now listen, I get why everyone and their mothers love Sister Jean. An old, adorable chaplin rooting for her team in the Big Dance and sitting courtside in her wheelchair looking on as the Rambler’s sweep the nation. However, she is not the perfect so-called “mascot” of this team. While she has been very outgoing with the media about her explosion onto the college basketball scene, she has nothing more to offer than pre or post game screen time for CBS/TBS/whoever the hell holds these games.

Our guy Stanley, on the other hand, is a Swiss Army Knife of morale, skill, and effort. He would make a better leader, motivational speaker, and would cross Sister Jean into another time zone. Here are a few examples on why Stanley is taking the reins from Sister Jean:

1. Stanley has Basketball Experience

In an episode titled “Basketball”, the members of the Office and the Shipping Department play a game of pick-up basketball. And boy, oh boy does Stanley spread his wings and fly. It’s almost Michael Jordan in Space Jam, but with more of a dad bod and less of the skill.

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Upon further film study, we discover the true “ball-handling” and “dribbling” skills that Stanley possesses. If this was NBA 2k, he’d be a 99 OVR and running defender’s up and down the court. Steph Curry who? Player’s on the team can get hands-on lessons and improve the overall offensive style with Stanley coaching them up. A true playmaking PG and a pass first, shoot never mentality.

2. He has the “Burning Rage” built up inside

As a leader of morale, you must have the passion inside of you. Stanley is a very quiet guy, but once you push too many buttons, he will explode. This is what Loyola Chicago needs: a passionate and outgoing leader who will say what needs to be said and not take anything from anyone, unlike shy and quiet Sister Jean. Plus, Stanley has the look of an intimidating guy and can strike fear into the opponent’s eyes.

3. Short Term Memory

“What do you mean by short-term memory?” Well, as a coach, player, or Leader of Morale, you need to possess this trait. While it doesn’t actual mean to have an actual short-term memory, it implies that if you have a bad half of basketball or let the other team go on a 15-0 run, you can bring your team back together and forget about what just happened. Stanley doesn’t care about anything and doesn’t pay enough attention to retain any more information other than his crossword puzzles, Sister Jean seems like the type of gal who would bring up a conference loss from the 1942 season and memorize the zones ran and colored uniforms…

4. He’s “Hip and In-touch” with this Generation

While this isn’t exactly Stanley, we will still file this due to the complete insanity and to be frank, badassery. Leslie released this song in what seems like a valiant effort to battle a Mid-Life crisis and tries to come into reach of this generation.

He nails it in every way and there are absolutely zero things wrong with this. Sister Jean’s way of getting “crunk” and “getting down” is throwing on some Beethoven on the Record Player and staying up till 8pm to watch Wheel of Fortune.

Sidenote: How did this song go unnoticed in 2011. STRAIGHT FIRE!! BANGER ALERT!!

5. He has the Rick Pitino “Bag Dropping” look

I mean c’mon, they don’t teach style like this anymore. White suits are the SLEEPERS of the Men’s Suit game, and they can only be pulled off by legends. Big time player’s do big time things. Meanwhile, Sister Jean wears a Letterman’s jacket which I would bet my Student Debt hasn’t been washed in easily 20 years and also rocks some pretty questionable shoes…

Sister Jean is going to go down as a legend of the month of march. While she may sit behind St. Paddy’s day and Spring Training, she was a pretty, pretty good. BUT, in my perfect world, we have Stanley as our very own Leader of Morale. Plus, can you imagine the face of Stanley looking as excited for a Loyola Chicago National Championship as he does for Pretzel Day? It would be Priceless…

Image result for stanley pretzel day