We all know how this goes: Bama is going to be good. Now they might have an extremely good QB, so we are all going to die.

So… the Tide are probably going to go to the playoff again. They have been every year of its existence and not even missing the conference championship game could keep them out. Nick Saban has built a machine, and it does not look to be slowing down anytime soon.

Prestige Ranking: 6

I would rate Alabama higher if the scale allowed. As the highest class (besides the fans) of college football, they are the standard bearer. So long as Saban is there, Bama should keep pumping out playoff appearances. 

Returning Starters: 10

Offense: 7

LT Jonah Williams, C Ross Pierschbacher, RG Lester Cotton, RT Matt Womack, HB Hale Hentges, RB Damien Harris, QB Jalen Hurts

Saban insists there is a QB battle between Jalen Hurts and Tua Tagovailoa. Most of us know that this is not true and that Tua has had the job since the second half of the championship game. The scary thing about Tua is that he can be a game-changing QB. Saban has typically had game-manager QBs, and having Tua might make this Saban’s most explosive offense ever.

Damien Harris is back after rushing for 1,000 yards a season ago. He should challenge for 1,000 yards again if he can keep the starting spot. Behind him is former No. 1 recruit Najee Harris. Harris, who was like the fourth option a year ago, should see his carries increase by a wide margin. It would not be surprising for him to be in the lead spot by the end of the year.

Gone is Calvin Ridley, but just like everywhere else, there is talent. Jerry Jeudy should be the #1 guy for Tua, and could put up some monster stats. The passing game also boasts DeVonta Smith, who, of course, everyone remembers from the title game.

The O-line returns four of five starters. So yeah, they are just going to kind of eat people this year. LT Jonah Williams is a stud, and should be a top 10 NFL draft pick. Move along, it is more of the same here.

Of note is new coordinator Mike Locksley, who was promoted from within. It will be interesting to see how he handles his duties. I just really miss Lane Kiffin and Saban together.

Defense: 3

DE Isaiah Buggs, DE Raekwon Davis, OLB Anfernee Jennings

For those of us who hate the dynasty, you have sliver of good news. This might be the largest rebuild of a defense Saban has had in Tuscaloosa. In addition to this, they have new D-coordinators. On the line, Raekwon Davis is one of the best in the nation. He led the team with 8.5 sacks last year, and will give QBs nightmares all year.

Every linebacker on Alabama had some sort of injury last season, and I am only kind of kidding. Thankfully, Saban shits out five-stars, so there was talent there to step in. The linebacking corp has experience. Presumed starter Terrell Lewis was lost to injury in early August.

There is not a whole lot of experience in the secondary. But, as said before, there is talent. It is extremely hard to worry about an Alabama secondary though. Five-star freshman Patrick Surtain Jr. may push for playing time. 

Special Teams: 0

Oh my stars, JK Scott is gone. The (actual) star punter is gone after starting for four years. But hey, THEY HAVE ANOTHER STAR RECRUIT. Skyler DeLong is taking over, and should be yet another four year starter.

Kicker Andy Pappanastos, best known for his miss in the championship game, is also gone. He is replaced by freshman Joseph Bulovas, who is the only scholarship kicker on roster. Better be good kid! (flashes back to The Kick-Six)

Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace All Name Team Member:  De’Marquis Lockridge

Key Losses: Calvin Ridley, Most of the defense

Calvin Ridley gave the Tide a star that anyone could throw to. Even Jalen Hurts found him all season, and he could barely pass. Seeing as there is all talent and not much experience, he could be missed.

They return three starters on defense. I am not kidding, they lost almost everyone. This could hurt in the secondary, which is the only level of the defense that returned zero starters.

Five Year Recruiting Rank: 1

This isn’t surprising. The reason Saban has been so consistent is in large part of great recruiting. The talent he has acquired is just ridiculous, the only team that has gotten close to that is Georgia. It is really easy to win when you get every recruit. This is bullshit.

Alcohol Prediction for Fans: Champagne

Sigh….. Alabama is probably going to win the playoff again. So go ahead and buy your champagne and your championship hats. Saban has basically outpaced everyone else, and Alabama should be considered the favorite until he retires. I am going to go bang my head into a wall now.

Outlook:

There are literally only two threats to the Tide on the regular season schedule, maybe three. They don’t play a ranked team until week ten at LSU, and they might be a train wreck at that point. Auburn and Mississippi State could be threats, but the Tide get both at home. The reasonable expectation is that Alabama makes the playoff again, and probably plays Clemson in the national championship. Again. Time is a flat circle.