Lilly Donahue | Indiana University
Week 7 was features quite a few wild games, including some top 25 shootouts. This week also featured a wide variety of uniforms, some worthy of the likes of Derek Zoolander, and others that might prompt Brick Tamland to ask “Where’d you get those pants, the toilet store?”
First, some basic rules as to how I make my picks: The uniforms usually cannot be the team’s regular uni (or I’d pick Florida, Penn State, or Bama every week). If they are the regular uniform, they still need to have some deviation from the norm (ie different color pants or helmet). That’s pretty much it! Feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments! And by that I mean engage me in some petty argument about why Oregon’s 2.985 billion uni combos are useful. Here are the 4 best and worst unis of week 7!
The Yeezy-Worthy Looks
Boise State 2007 Throwbacks
A throwback to 2007 is pretty unheard of (unless we’re talking about Crank That Soulja Boy), but the Broncos did so with good reason. If you’ve never seen the Bronco’s trick play victory over Oklahoma in the 2007 Fiesta Bowl, I’m honestly not sure how you’re a college football fan. Boise State decided to pay homage to what is arguably their program’s proudest moment with these gorgeous throwbacks.
4/5 Zoolanders
Indiana Candy Stripes
What do you do to your football uniforms when you’re a basketball school? Add you basketball team’s signature warmup look! adidas hooked IU up with some sweet new uniforms that featured a minor candy stripe design on the shoulder, as well as a nifty state flag watermark on the players numbers. I went to the IU-Nebraska game, and these unis looked even better in person!
5/5 Zoolanders
Miami Throwbacks
The U unveiled these beauties a few weeks back, but they are SO much better than the former eyesores the Canes had been wearing. The uniforms are based of the 80’s teams uniforms, and when you can look as good as they did, hopefully you can play as good also. The bright colors reflect the city of Miami nicely!
4.5/5 Zoolanders
UVA HoCo Look
If you aren’t gonna win, you might as well look good while losing. That seems to be the philosophy of UVA football, as their uniforms are always top notch, but their record…..not so much. These uniforms have a nice throwback look that turned out extremely well. If Pitt had worn their throwbacks during this game, we would have witnessed a rare perfect uni matchup.
4/5 Zoolanders
The Uggos
Monta…I Mean Mississippi State
Honestly, these uniforms weren’t too bad. They looked halfway, decent, and if it weren’t for their copy cat quality I’d actually like them. However, these uniforms bear a striking resemblance to the Montana Grizzlies’ uniforms, which aren’t even that great to begin with. Impersonations are apparently a theme this season for the Bulldogs, who also mimicked the New England Patriots’ uniforms during a matchup in Gillette Stadium earlier this season.
3/5 Toilet Bowls
Syracuse Orange in All Gray
You can see the issue here, right? Syracuse’s colors are navy and orange, and their freaking mascot is a giant orange, so it would defy logic to veer away from those two colors, right? WRONG. Syracuse caught a case of the Illini Fever and tossed their beautiful colors right into Onondaga Lake and then decked themselves out in a drab gray uniform. Blech is all I can saw here.
4/5 Toilet Bowls
Tulane Green Wave of Vomit
Tulane has had lots of great uniforms over the years, due in part to their colors: nice green with a pretty light blue as an accent. But then Tulane decided to toss out the light blue like a drunk girl throwing beads at Mardi Gras in favor of a different accent color: black. I’m sick and tired of this dumb trend where schools add black into their color scheme. Stop. Please. It clashes with what would otherwise be a nice uniform, and due to this atrocity I deem it necessary to bring back this quote: “Where’d you get those pants, the toilet store?” And the answer the that question is a big, fat yes.
4.5/5 Toilet Bowls
Eastern Michigan Duct Tape Extravaganza
As adidas has become accustomed to doing, whenever a team needs a new look, they slap some shiny new numbers on a skintight jersey and call it a day. In this case, the numbers were silver, making the uniforms look a 7th grade fashion project gone wild. Ever seen those duct tape prom dresses girls have made? Adidas decided that prom queen project needed a QB counterpart and popped out these atrocities. The attempt at making the numbers look like steel just looks plain old stupid.
4/5 Toilet Bowls
Central Michigan’s Big Bird Look
All yellow uniforms are never a good idea, nor will they ever be. The closest team to looking okay in all yellow is Mizzou, but they top it off with a nice, black helmet. CMU went all in, and the result was an assault on the eyes of every viewer. Whoever came up with the NFL color rush idea might like these, but they are in the definite minority. Mustard is a second class condiment, so a uniform resembling it is trash.
5/5 (Piss filled in this case) Toilet Bowls
Feel free to let me know what you think, and check back every Monday for my uniform takes!