Gray Robertson

Welcome to the preseason edition for the junior season of The Hangover, where I recap the previous weekend in college football or, in this case, get you ready for the upcoming season. This week, The Hangover comes to you from Tuscaloosa, Alabama, where I have been prepping for my SEC Network Plus broadcast on Thursday. Alabama women’s soccer takes on BYU at 7 p.m. CT, so check it out (shameless plug, but hey, I’m going to be on TV; I’m pretty pumped). This week, we hit on the 150th anniversary of college football, plus I share my preseason picks for each Power Five conference as well as my playoff predictions. Oh, and Random Rankings is back. Let’s dive in!

Dear College Football,

In 2005, I was eight-years-old and crying. JaMarcus Russell for LSU had hit Dwayne Bowe for a touchdown to beat Alabama 16-13 in overtime, and I was devastated. My Mom wiped away my tears and said not to worry, that it’d be better soon. I nodded through sniffles and walked out of Bryant-Denny Stadium hoping the next week would be different.

As your 150th birthday approaches, I wanted to let you know how special you are. I know, you hear it all the time. ESPN is putting together an entire celebration of this magical anniversary, and the SEC Network has collected an incredible eight-part series on your history in the South. This birthday card/note/column won’t mean much to you because more important people than I will be writing the same kind of thing all fall, but I felt the need to jot down my feelings about you nonetheless.

That story in the beginning? That’s all you. Nothing else, in the younger years of my life or in my current stage, can make me feel like that (softball is working its way there because of my connection with the Alabama program, but it still has a bit of ground to make up). No other thing on this planet can raise me to my highest highs or kick me in the gut a dozen times. I’m hooked and I’m enthralled with you because you never cease to amaze. And you know what’s crazy? It’s not just me.

This fall, millions will watch you for the 150th season. They’ll watch on their TV screens with Brad and Gary or Chris and Kirk, or they’ll drive hours to fill a stadium and see you in person. Folks will set an alarm–an ALARM–on Saturday mornings to make sure that they don’t miss Coach Corso’s headgear pick. They’ll plan weekend trips around you, decline wedding invitations because of you, and use various excuses to get out of obligations just so they won’t miss a minute of you. That’s love, college football. We love you.

That isn’t to say you’re perfect. Hate to say it, college football, but just because you’re 150 doesn’t mean you don’t still have some growing up to do. Scandals still lurk in the shadows of your past. Controversy is always around the corner when you show up, for better or worse.

Despite all the drama off the field, though, you’ve still given us so many timeless moments. Readers know what I’m talking about. Where were you for the Kick Six? Do you remember when Vince Young ran it in on fourth down to beat USC? Did you stay up late to watch Boise State stun Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl?

College football, you’re special because of the moments that have occurred over the last century and a half, and it’s unique because of the pageantry and celebrations that usually accompany those moments. There’s nothing better than the crisp fall air of November right before kickoff or walking through the Quad, the Grove, or wherever across America you tailgate and seeing the love that people have for their teams. You’ve given this to us for the last 150 years.

This season for The Hangover, we’re going to take a section of the column to celebrate the 150 year history of this amazing sport. We’ll discuss the decisions and moments that changed you, the best games I’ve witnessed in person or watched on screen, and the controversies that have shaped how the sport operates in the modern era. We’ll do the usual also, reacting to the week’s action and dissecting many of the main points of the season. There were many options about which to discuss in this opening column, like transfers and the playoff and coaching changes and everything else, but we wanted to give you a light start to the year (the predictions below will be a dense list of teams and records, so adjust your reading glasses accordingly).

I’m excited for this season, college football. It seems clear-cut, which means chaos is looming on the horizon. You’re going to give us something special this year, college football. I just know it. Happy 150th. I can’t wait to see what you have in store.

Our Preseason Predictions

Here are my preseason predictions for this year. We began researching earlier this summer, cross-checking many different magazines and articles to try and get the most accurate reading. That means…nothing. Look, we’re trying to predict what college kids will do. Not everything will be correct. Use these predictions as a guide at your own peril–our numbers last season weren’t great, but so what? Let’s try again.

ACC

Atlantic

  1. Clemson: 12-0 (8-0)
  2. Syracuse: 9-3 (5-3)
  3. Florida State: 7-5 (4-4)
  4. NC State: 7-5 (4-4)
  5. Boston College: 6-6 (3-5)
  6. Wake Forest: 7-5 (3-5)
  7. Louisville: 3-9 (1-7)

Coastal

  1. Miami: 9-3 (6-2)
  2. Virginia: 9-3 (6-2)
  3. Virginia Tech: 8-4 (5-3)
  4. Pittsburgh: 7-5 (4-4)
  5. North Carolina: 5-7 (3-5)
  6. Duke: 3-9 (1-7)
  7. Georgia Tech: 3-9 (1-7)

Championship Game: Clemson over Miami

Big Ten

East

  1. Michigan: 11-1 (8-1)
  2. Ohio State: 10-2 (7-2)
  3. Michigan State: 9-3 (6-3)
  4. Penn State: 9-3 (6-3)
  5. Maryland: 6-6 (4-5)
  6. Indiana: 5-7 (2-7)
  7. Rutgers: 2-10 (0-9)

West

  1. Iowa: 8-4 (6-3)
  2. Nebraska: 8-4 (5-4)
  3. Wisconsin: 8-4 (5-4)
  4. Northwestern: 7-5 (5-4)
  5. Purdue: 6-6 (4-5)
  6. Minnesota: 7-5 (4-5)
  7. Illinois: 4-8 (1-8)

Championship Game: Michigan over Iowa

Big 12

  1. Oklahoma: 11-1 (8-1)
  2. Texas: 9-3 (7-2)
  3. Iowa State: 9-3 (6-3)
  4. TCU: 8-4 (5-4)
  5. Oklahoma State: 7-5 (4-5)
  6. Baylor: 7-5 (4-5)
  7. West Virginia: 6-6 (4-5)
  8. Texas Tech: 5-7 (3-6)
  9. Kansas State: 5-7 (3-6)
  10. Kansas: 3-9 (1-8)

Championship Game: Oklahoma over Texas

Pac-12

North

  1. Washington: 11-1 (8-1)
  2. Oregon: 10-2 (8-1)
  3. Stanford: 8-4 (6-3)
  4. Washington State: 8-4 (5-4)
  5. California: 4-8 (2-7)
  6. Oregon State: 2-10 (0-9)

South

  1. Utah: 10-2 (7-2)
  2. Arizona State: 7-5 (5-4)
  3. USC: 7-5 (5-4)
  4. Arizona: 7-5 (4-5)
  5. UCLA: 5-7 (4-5)
  6. Colorado: 2-10 (0-9)

Championship Game: Utah over Washington

SEC

East

  1. Georgia: 11-1 (7-1)
  2. Florida: 10-2 (6-2)
  3. Missouri: 9-3 (5-3)
  4. Kentucky: 7-5 (3-5)
  5. Tennessee: 7-5 (3-5)
  6. South Carolina: 5-7 (2-6)
  7. Vanderbilt: 5-7 (2-6)

West

  1. Alabama: 12-0 (8-0)
  2. LSU: 10-2 (6-2)
  3. Texas A&M: 8-4 (5-3)
  4. Auburn: 8-4 (4-4)
  5. Mississippi State: 8-4 (4-4)
  6. Ole Miss: 5-7 (1-7)
  7. Arkansas: 4-8 (0-8)

Championship Game: Georgia over Alabama

Random Rankings

Before we give you our playoff picks, it’s time to rank something random. As usual readers know, we enjoy movies here at RR HQ, and there’s no more-talked about movie out right now than Quentin Tarantino’s Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Admittedly, we haven’t had time to see it yet, but it’ll be included in the usual movie review column coming in February. For now, at the request of our pal Scott Pittman, here’s a Random Ranking of the Top Five Tarantino movies (OUATIH not included, obviously). *Disclaimer*: You know the drill. Per usual, once Random Rankings are posted, they aren’t changing. So don’t get any ideas. No explanation this week, because we don’t have all day to write about this. Have to save some of the major rankings exposition for later in the year, right?

1. Inglorious Bastards

2. Pulp Fiction

3. Reservoir Dogs

4. Jackie Brown

5. Django Unchained

Our College Football Playoff Predictions

Peach Bowl: #1 Clemson over #4 Michigan

When I revealed my final pick for the playoff a few weeks ago to some football friends, I received immediate blowback. Yes, I have Michigan in the CFP. As I went through Michigan’s schedule, I kept telling myself Jim Harbaugh’s squad would lose twice. When I finished, I was shocked to see the Wolverines at 11-1. I think Coach Khaki finally adjusts his offense to fit Shea Patterson’s skill-set, and that leads to an eventual victory over the Buckeyes of Ohio State. Honestly, the final spot in the playoff is up for grabs. I think the top three are by far the most talented teams in the country. Clemson gets the top spot because they’ll be undefeated. Have you seen the ACC this year? Something will have to go horribly wrong for the Tigers to miss the playoff.

Fiesta Bowl: #3 Alabama over #2 Georgia

Georgia beats Alabama in the SEC Championship game and then the Crimson Tide returns the favor in the playoff. Kirby Smart and Nick Saban will continue to clash until Saban retires, and I think Alabama takes this round. The revenge tour will continue behind Tua, the best receiving corps in the country, and a defense hungry to prove themselves.

National Championship Game: #3 Alabama over #1 Clemson

The revenge tour will end fittingly for Alabama this year in the fifth playoff meeting between these two. The Tide and the Tigers are the two best teams in the country, and another championship match-up in New Orleans just seems inevitable

That’s all for the preseason edition of The Hangover! We’ll be back the Sunday or Monday (depending on my travels) after each week of college football. Praise the Lord we’re about to get started, because we need some action on the gridiron.