Happy Halloween to all of the ghouls, goblins, and ghosts wandering amongst us today. Today is a day to dress up in your scariest costume, roam the streets for candy, and just take in the festivities of the holiday. While I won’t be dressing up or going door-to-door for candy, I’m celebrating by assembling a 16 creature bracket of some of cinemas most vile and gruesome monsters and I’m pitting them against one another. Who doesn’t love the idea of The Babadook fighting Freddy Kreuger or Norman Bates and Patrick Bateman getting into a melee battle?
The criteria of the bracket was I picked 16 of the most influential characters in Halloween cinema lore along with ones that are my favorites. To determine who moves on, I’ll be having them fight each other and I’ll break down who I think wins in said fight.
Let the games begin.
Sinister Sixteen
1. Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street) vs 16. The Babadook (The Babadook)
While The Babadook definitely scares me more than Freddy Krueger due to its shadowy presence, Freddy Krueger is a killing machine. The issue with The Babadook is that he… or they, I’m not entirely sure. I don’t want to misgender The Babadook. Back to my point, the issue with The Babadook is that they appear in the form of a book. I know that attempting to destroy it isn’t effective, but Freddy Krueger isn’t human. He’ll shred that book with one swipe of his metal claw and that’ll be wraps on The Babadook.
Winner: 1. Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street)
2. Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs) vs 15. Blade (Blade)
Over the past few months following a few rewatches of Blade, I’ve grown an unhealthy affection towards the Blade character because Wesley Snipes just looks and acts cool as hell. He’s curb stomping vampires at a rapid clip and it’s sick. But Blade isn’t facing off vs a bloodthirsty bat in human form. He’s going against a bloodthirsty doctor who will be able to lull Blade into a sense of security with him. Once his guard is down, Dr. Hannibal Lecter will strike and have a feast of liver and fava beans. Even though I imagine these monsters fighting in a colosseum, I’m not sure we’ll see Lecter kill Blade. He’s so quick and concise that the viewer of this slaughter fest will look away for a moment and turn back to see Lecter grilling up a rack of Blade ribs.
Winner: 2. Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs)
3. Michael Meyers (Halloween) vs 14. Pennywise (It)
Pennywise the clown is pretty soft. All he does is prey on children and then derive joy from making kids uncomfortable. It’s a classic bully move to pick on those who are way weaker and smaller. Michael Meyers on the other hand, he kills EVERYONE. This brawl would take a while between the two of them because Meyers isn’t a fast mover, but once he gets within striking distance of Pennywise, he’d plunge his knife right in the big ass forehead of that clown. Advantage Meyers.
Winner: 3. Michael Meyers (Halloween)
4. Norman Bates (Psycho) vs 13. Patrick Bateman (American Psycho)
I unintentionally pitted two perverts against one another in the first round, but this is hilarious. While Norman Bates is probably more maniacal than the eccentric finance bro Patrick Bateman, Bateman has a better artillery of weapons. Norman Bates has a knife. Patrick Bateman reserves a knife for killing homeless people. This isn’t a matter of who wins, but how does Bateman win? Will he chop Bates up into pieces like Paul Allen or shoot a nail gun into his head and then have sex with his moms mummified body? For Bateman, the possibilities are endless as he executes the sicko that is Norman Bates.
Winner: 13. Patrick Bateman (American Psycho)
5. Jack Torrance (The Shining) vs 12. The Female (Under The Skin)
At first glance you’d think that it’d be an easy win for the axe wielding Torrance, but let’s get into the nitty gritty. He’s battling The Female from Under The Skin who is able to seduce men into a state of serenity and then traps them in a black liquid killing them and freezing their bodies in a terrifying manner. Torrance couldn’t even kill his own wife in The Shining and she didn’t have any powers. The man Jack Torrance is an academic writer, but the monster of Jack Torrance is one dimensional being scary on the surface, but unable to get the job done. The Female upsets Jack Torrance.
Winner: 12. The Female (Under The Skin)
6. The Alien (Alien) vs 11. Pinhead (Hellraiser)
I don’t really care what Pinheads abilities or powers are, there’s no way the Alien from Ridley Scotts Alien will lose to a guy named Pinhead. I’m aware that he’s called Pinhead because he has pins in his head, but calling someone pinhead is a hilarious insult. I think that The Alien would click or screech an insult towards Pinhead that’d kind of hurt his feelings and he’d then rip him apart. In my eyes, The Alien is one of the best horror villains of all time and would absolutely slaughter Pinhead. Sorry to all the Hellraiser fans out there, but he has a dumb name.
Winner: 6. The Alien (Alien)
7. Leatherface (The Texas Chain Saw Massacre) vs 10. Jason Voorhees (Friday The 13th)
Watching all of these prior fights was probably fun, but seeing two slashers go head-to-head puts asses in seats. While I think that the ruthlessness of Leatherface works in his advantage, Voorhees has an even bigger edge. He has his mother. We’ll see Leatherface dragging Jason Voorhees towards a small lake because he knows Voorhees can’t swim, but then we’ll hear a thunderous applause as Pamela Voorhees running out and tackling Leatherface. This is now a 2 on 1 between a Mount Rushmore level slasher and his deranged mom. As good as Leatherface is, he can’t win that fight.
Winner: 10. Jason Voorhees (Friday The 13th)
8. Jigsaw (Saw) vs 9. Regan (The Exorcist)
While I do love The Exorcist, Regan is kind of a light weight villain. A lot like Jack Torrance, she’s terrifying on the surface because she can crawl upside down, but outside of that, you just don’t need to get in the room with her and can easily subdue her with medication. That’s the Jigsaw method. Regans stubbornness will prevent her from completing the task to get out of a trap and Jigsaw will easily kill her. I don’t think this is even a competition in the 8-9 matchup.
Winner: 8. Jigsaw (Saw)
Eerie Eight
1. Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street) vs 8. Jigsaw (Saw)
There’s a reason that Freddy Krueger is the one seed. His talents in the dream realm are insane. With Jigsaw being a human, he will need to sleep and even if he can drug and subdue Krueger, Krueger has extreme strength. He’ll absolutely dominate Jigsaw in his dreams and induce a fatal wound to him. Krueger will wake up in a Saw trap, but Jigsaws wounds from the dream transfer to real life and he’ll die. Another easy win for the one seeded Krueger.
Winner: 1. Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street)
13. Patrick Bateman (American Psycho) vs 12. The Female (Under The Skin)
Patrick Bateman can be easily seduced by women and he’d think that bringing The Female back to his penthouse will be advantageous for him, that’s the worst thing he could do because that’s what The Female wants. But I don’t think that’s what will happen with Bateman. The Female is beautiful and Bateman in American Psycho has no issue killing beautiful women. Where he struggled was killing his secretary Jean, who was an average woman in the film. If The Female wasn’t portrayed by the gorgeous Scarlett Johansson and was Chloë Sevigny, then the tables flip. But I think Bateman escapes with a close win.
Winner: 13. Patrick Bateman (American Psycho)
2. Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs) vs 10. Jason Voorhees (Friday The 13th)
Now that we know the Voorhees clan is utilizing the 2 on 1, the odds have shifted in their favor vs Dr. Hannibal Lecter. For Lecter, the more the merrier. He’s made some room after a rack of Blade ribs and will now enjoy Pamela Voorhees liver confit and Jason Voorhees roasted kidneys. I know that Voorhees and his mother are strong and vengeful, but with how meticulous Lecter is, the best of the best will struggle vs him.
Winner: 2. Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs)
3. Michael Meyers (Halloween) vs 6. The Alien (Alien)
The Alien essentially got a free pass in round one which isn’t good for him. He’s gotten complacent and hasn’t prepared for the stylistic slashing ways of Michael Meyers. Meyers has super human strength and can’t be stabbed or shot. I think that The Aliens disgusting mouth goo would be a great smokescreen to get in close contact with Michael Meyers, but he’d quickly realize that there’s an issue when he tries to slash Meyers and nothing happens. While The Alien is within striking distance, Meyers could just beat the ever living shit out The Alien and make him wish he stayed in space with Sigourney Weaver’s cats.
Winner: 3. Michael Meyers (Halloween)
Fearsome Four
1. Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street) vs 13. Patrick Bateman (American Psycho)
George Mason circa 2006. Loyola Chicago 2018. Patrick Bateman circa 2023. Some of the greatest bracket underdogs of all time. But here’s the common theme amongst those three Cinderella runs. None of them won the championship. Patrick Bateman has a regimented lifestyle where he gets proper sleep, works out every morning, and goes to work. Krueger knows this routine and he won’t kill Bateman in his dreams. He will just torment him in his dreams and drive him insane to the point where he just kills himself. Bateman has many weaknesses, but Norman Bates and The Female couldn’t expose them. Krueger will be able to exploit those weaknesses and make Bateman a mental midget.
Winner: 1. Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street)
2. Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs) vs 3. Michael Meyers (Halloween)
I mentioned prior how Meyers can’t be shot or stabbed. In addition, fire doesn’t do a whole lot of damage to him, but what about being locked in an oven and prepared like a Thanksgiving turkey? I keep going back to the notion that Lecter is extremely patient, calm, and will work Meyers down to a puddle of a creature and eventually feast upon his corpse. Huge win for Lecter to move to the finals vs the dynamic Freddy Krueger.
Winner: 2. Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs)
Frightening Final
1. Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street) vs 2. Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs)
THIS IS OCTOBER. We’re treated with two powerhouse monsters to represent the holiday of Halloween where haymakers will be thrown in a haunted house. To try to make things interesting, I’d like to say Lecter would keep this battle close, but I don’t see it. First off, Lecter is about to pop. He’s eaten Blade, Pamela and Jason Voorhees, and Michael Meyers already. He’s close to slipping into a food coma and when you’re that full, your reaction time halters and you become mentally weak. With Lecter slipping into a food coma remnant of 2:30 on Thanksgiving, Krueger will be able to slide into his dreams and unlike his approach with Bateman, he’s getting the job done quickly. He’s deliver one fatal blow to the poor doctor and take home the trophy made of skeletal bones and the head of Pamela Voorhees.
Winner: 1. Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street)
