A discovery out of the A-10 conference has been made. While the URI Rams men’s basketball team has the third worst odds to win their conference, they’re number one in the nation when it comes to their players having sick names. From a guy who can’t be wrong to a player who fucks Fuchs, the Rams are loaded.
#5 Always Wright
Is the name Always Wright a blessing or a curse? When it comes to arguing with Always Wright, you’re never going to win. Maybe you’ll come close, but he’s Always Wright. But in the realm of basketball, is being the guy named Always Wright a bad thing? Does the sophomore guard from Missouri only drive to the hoop with his right hand? His name might be an obvious tell of what way he’s going to try to beat a defender and could hinder his offensive performance.
#14 Connor Dubsky
If Connor Dubsky wasn’t playing D1 hoops, he’d be an auto-bid to the douchiest fraternity at URI, purely based off his name. Imagine losing a game of beer pong and to a guy that everyone’s calling ‘Dubsky’ the whole time. That honestly wouldn’t be that demoralizing. For the freshman Dubsky, he’s been gifted with touch from beyond the arc. His profile on the University of Rhode Island basketball page describes him as, “A pure shooter from the perimeter as well as mid-range.“
#24 David Fuchs
By way of Vienna, the Rams have a big man who Fuchs. He’ll Fuch you up in the post. Block your Fuching shot. And he’ll dunk on your Fuching head. I’m of course talking about David Fuchs. The physically mature freshman from Europe dropped 10 points and 4 rebounds vs Central Connecticut State in the opener and is looking to have a big season. How can I guy with a name like that not have a big year?
#30 Jimmy Ball
Much like Connor Dubsky, the name Jimmy Ball is just sick. It’s simplistic, but it sounds like a nickname a 1950s carnival barker announcer would give to a guy who is really good at basketball — “Yeah, we’ve got Jimmy Ball coming down the court. He runs a 5.6 40 yard dash and is the greatest athlete alive.” Like I mentioned with Dubsky, Jimmy Ball could be the ultimate frat bro with his name. If you squared off with Connor Dubsky and Jimmy Ball in beer die, you’re better off packing it in and not playing.
#34 Ray Allen III
Yes, like THAT Ray Allen. The one who’s probably the greatest shooter to ever play basketball. The freshman guard is the son of NBA legend Ray Allen, and if he got an eighth of his fathers shooting ability, the Rams will make a real push in the A-10 to win the conference.
