Football season is right around the corner. It’s only like five months away, we’re almost there. We’re gonna have plenty of freshmen battling for playing time. More importantly, there will be plenty of freshmen battling through their first tailgates.

This is for you.

1. Standing around, nodding your head to the music and drinking

2. Wearing sunglasses

3. Carrying around a case of lukewarm beer

4. Playing cornhole

5. Playing that one game with a football and bowling pins

6. Talking about football with the boys

7. Listening to tunes with the boys

8. Calling every opposing fan that walks by a ‘douche’ under your breath

9. Offering those same people beers/shots as they get closer

10. Seeing hot chicks

11. Talking to hot chicks

12. Being too much of a pussy to talk to chicks that are too hot

13. Offering hot takes on your team

14. Skipping breakfast

15. Telling yourself that nine Busch Lights IS breakfast

16. Chewing tobacco

17. Smoking cigarettes

18. Slapping the bag

19. Not throwing up

20. Feeling better after throwing up

21. Calling a pledge a pussy even though he’s a pretty cool dude

22. Wearing a visor

23. Watching College Gameday

24. Aimlessly walking around campus with the boys

25. High-fiving alumni

26. Finding a bathroom moments before pissing your pants

27. Being a pasty white guy and not wearing sunscreen

28. Criticizing every other tailgate’s shitty choice of music

29. Drinking beer at 6 AM

30. Drinking beer from 6 AM til whenever it is you go to bed

31. Sending/receiving snapchats

32. Being hungover and freshly drunk at the same time

33. Going to buy more beer

34. Complaining about noon kickoffs

35. Telling the random kid you happen to be standing next to that the opposing team doesn’t actually suck, they’re actually on a four-game winning streak and have won six of their last seven!

36. Literally just being drunk

37. Declaring that the boys are back in town

38. Sneaking away from the tailgate to go get food

39. Going to Pancheros on Grand River (RIP)

40. Shooting the shit with the boys

41. Getting too drunk and completely missing the game

42. Going to College Gameday because your school is bad ass and hosts it

43. Commenting on the weather

44. Betting on sports

45. Thanking God you don’t go to a school that doesn’t care about football

46. Pigs in a blanket

47. Telling people about the glory days of high school football whilst chucking around a football

48. Mixing in a water

49. Yelling out random things just for the hell of it

50. Watching people jump through foldable tables

51. Never personally jumping through a foldable table

It’s almost football season boyos.