Best
Patrick Bateman
“There’s an idea of Patrick Bateman.” This Halloween, you can turn that idea into reality for a night. It’s an easy costume to put together and it also gives you an excuse to be a smug prick and no one can get mad at you for it. Just toss on a suit and tie with a clear rain coat and head phones and you’re in business. Speak in a condescending manner about Huey Lewis and the News and how women should be thinner and it is a home run costume. Bonus points if you bring the Huey Lewis and the News CD with you.
Top Gun
With Top Gun: Maverick releasing this summer, the 80s porn stache and a jump suit is in. It’s not overly creative, but much like the Marines, only the few and the proud can pull it off. It’s an easy costume to put together because all you need is aviator shades, an army green jacket and pants, and a killer stache that rivals a 70’s basketball player. For some like myself, growing the mustache is the tough part. If you’re inept in the facial hair department, this isn’t the costume for you. If you can grow a thick lip caterpillar then channel your inner Rooster.
Elvis
Much like how Top Gun: Maverick made porn staches cool again, Elvis made the Elvis entity cool again. From what I saw in the Baz Luhrmann flick, when Elvis shook his hips, the birds came flocking. I’m not entirely sure if Elvis still has that sort of pull nowadays, but it’s worth a shot. The key to this costume is pure confidence fellas. If you’re wearing a leather jacket and awkward bellbottoms, you need to own it. Shake your hips, sing a little hound dog, and embrace the vibes of The King Of Rock And Roll.
Throwback WWF Wrestlers
I’ll be completely honest with you, the only reason this is making the list is because this is what my buddies and I are wearing to raise hell in Boston. What’s fun about this costume is you get to be loud and obnoxious and no one can stop you. I’ll be screaming “LISTEN HERE BROTHER” in my Hulkamania tank top and people will love that. When it comes to trying to talk to chicks it maybe tough, but the bros at the function will love the fit. As long as someone appreciates it, you’re in business.
Worst
Jeffrey Dahmer
Look, we all like to party hardy, but I recommend that you leave the blonde wigs and Bud Heavy’s at home. While the docu-series on Netflix has swept the nation, I think we can acknowledge that it’d be a tad tasteless to dress up as a serial killer. Dahmer did have killer dance moves, but that doesn’t really excuse him killing 17 people. Just don’t do it.
Stranger Things
Grow up. Stop being a child and grow up. Stranger Things is one of the most overrated shows ever put out and if you even think to dress as a devil worshiping dude with long hair or a child in a denim vest, then I’ve lost all respect for you. I’m never one to provoke masculinity, but this is where I take my stand. It’s corny, played out, and gimmicky.
Homelander
I’ve never seen The Boys, but I’ve been told it’s very good. The reason I’m saying to revert from Homelander is because he looks too much like a real superhero. I’ll paint a picture. Imagine you’re in a bar talking to a girl and she asks the daunting question, “And what are you supposed to be?” Do you really want to explain to her that you’re a superhero who’s not really a superhero that’s pretty sigma? You don’t. Avoid this awkward interaction as a whole by leaving the tights at home.
Chris Benoit
While my buddies and I are going out as throwback wrestlers, we’ve opted to not have any of us dress as Chris Benoit. Much like Dahmer, it’d probably be in poor taste. Also, Benoit didn’t really have a flashy costume when he was in the ring. Two negative points in the direction of being Benoit for Halloween so just refrain from it if you thought of it.
Kanye West
It rarely ever pays off when you defame a religion right before Halloween, and Ye has done just that. Yes, I understand that he made masterpieces like Spaceship, Devil In A New Dress, and all of Graduation, but it’s simply not worth it wearing the pink polo and a pair of Yeezys this Halloween. I think that the dust will blow over on this in a year and that’s when you can trick-or-treat as Kanye. But for now, I’d personally resist.
