PJ Guippone

There are a lot of great things about football. For the people that just have their tv up and running on gameday, there are the scores and the turnovers. There are the 40 yard rushes that get you off your couch despite the hangover you are feeling from your 46-straight-hour drunken stupor.

For other fans, there is an entirely different experience and it is shown through tweets. This is for the fans that multi-screen their Saturday viewing sessions. Game one is on the tv, game 2 on the laptop, and Twitter constantly refreshing on your phone or tablet. These are the fans that achieve a full 21st century viewing experience. No joke is missed and the highlights aren’t simply the plays that show up in the box score. If you are a scrub and don’t do this, I understand fully why we aren’t friends. I also would still like to be your friend, so I will give you some of my highlights of those highlights.

KU couldn’t move the ball if they were in an 18 wheeler

I would really hope that everyone is aware of Kansas’ unbelievable flaws on the gridiron. There are about 6,000 funny things about their football team like the fact they don’t score or the fact that they can’t stop a traffic cone. Maybe the most hysterical out of everything is that their football team keeping count with yards vs. their basketball team counting by points (or maybe even rebounds) would lose pretty frequently. It feels like at some point, the move is to just chalk the program up as an L and put all eggs in a more fruitful basket.

PSU’s hubris will be their undoing

Penn State had an absolutely masterful performance against Michigan, until their post game chant. After shellacking the Wolverines, more than 110,000 Penn State faithful chanted “We Want Bama!” Every once in awhile, I root for some really insane things. Fridays, I normally throw a “Let’s blackout” into the house atmosphere. I often choose three more episodes of Breaking Bad to three less hours of sleep. One thing I have never actively rooted for, though, is brutalizing, extreme, demoralizing death. This is essentially the hope of the Penn State faithful by disregarding the impending Buckeyes and longing for ‘Bama.

None of Texas is back

This one speaks for itself I think. Texas is not back. Baylor is monumentally bad. UTSA might be the best program in the state.