Instead of writing my midterm essay, I flipped on college basketball, like I very often do. Virginia is hosting Georgia Tech in their home arena currently and despite the fact that Virginia games are as close as a basketball game can be to the polar ice caps melting, I decided I would do my due diligence and watch.

As I often do while watching basketball, I started to make some comparisons. For example, if you were an NBA guard, would you rather be covered by T.J. McConnell or a pack of hungry wolves. I generally lean towards the wolves while posing this question, sitting in the last row of the Wells Fargo Center. A similar question popped into my brain today while watching the Cavaliers.

If you’re a basketball team, especially one with the basketballing ability (or lack thereof) of Georgia Tech, what would be the worst possible situation to attempt to score? Would you enjoy going up against Tony Bennett’s patented packline defense, which is allowing a national-best 52.7 points per game? If you answer yes to that question without a second option, then I assume you also like stabbing yourself in the thigh or, when asked, “if you had a time machine, where would you go?” your answer is, “central Europe during the rapid spread of the Black Plague.”

Now, I will pose an alternate option for all of you normal people reading this column. If I were to put a brick wall at the top of the key, another long brick wall running from sideline to sideline in the middle of the lane, a third taller brick wall in a U shape around the basket, and sharpened bamboo sticks filling the various voids between those brick walls, would you rather try to score against that than Virginia’s defense?

I will admit I am struggling with this hypothetical. At first glance, playing offense against Virginia is not really life threatening in any way. It is demoralizing and makes good players feel bad, sure, but in no way life threatening. On the other hand, only one team has been able to score more than 65 points and no team has scored more than 68. At the same time, 11 teams have been held to under 50 and two of them under 40.

In regards to my brick and bamboo nightmare, I think there is an easy argument to be made that division one offensive players are capable of scoring more against an immobile obstacle course. Sure, you might lose one of your teammates in the process and his head will remain on the end of the stick like a tribal trophy, and yeah the basket is literally shrunk because of the wall around it, but division one guys can switch their shots up a bit.

I think you know where I’m going with this one. Give me the death trap over Virginia’s defense any day of the week.