While the CFP gods release their rankings to us and the world, schools that won’t hear their names have been letting their coaches go, and beginning that wonderful process we all loved on NCAA 14 (RIP): The Coaching Carousel. So, in the spirit and remembrance of NCAA 14, which many of us here at Student Union still own and play vigorously, we will be running down every single team in search of a coach, analyzing recent hires, and laughing at Ole Miss.

SEC East

Florida

Congratulations, UF, y’all won. And I really mean it; this is the hire of the year. In two (1 & 2), poorly written articles, I’ve been detailing the Florida coaching debacle. Although I initially thought Chip Kelly to UF was the move, I now firmly believe that Dan Mullen is the best hire of the year.

Without “Chip Kelly at Oregon” level funding, Mullen was able to go 69-46 (.600) in the same division as Alabama, Auburn and LSU. He’s 5-2 in bowl games, and beyond that, has displayed an excellent nack for QB development. While at Utah under Urban Meyer, he was the positional coach for Alex Smith; under Meyer at UF, he coached Tim Tebow, and during his tenure at MSU Mullen recruited and coached Dak Prescott during his fantastic 2014 season. Considering what he’s been able to do at Mississippi State, Mullen is the best coach available in the 2017-18 Coaching Carousel, and in my book, the Gators won.

Tennessee

This one is especially interesting; after essentially hiring Ohio State DC Greg Schiano, University of Tennessee officials chose not to sign his Memorandum of Intention due to his “involvement” and knowledge of the Sandusky scandal. Schiano struck most as a man good for the job, but not great for it. Although he “rebuilt” Rutgers, his success was at best moderate and he’s been a part of an OSU team that lost by 31 to Iowa. Anyone who’s been a member of the Urban Meyer coaching tree is a good hire, but Vols Twitter stepped in and essentially vetoed this man. I personally have never seen a fanbase have this big a say in who gets hired, but I suppose the precedent has been set.

This isn’t the end of our story, however. Per ESPN’s Chris Low, Mike Gundy has met this week in Dallas with UT Athletic Director John Currie. He also held a phone call with Tennessee great Peyton Manning. The Vols are attempting to double the 50-year old man’s $4.2M salary, and although it pains me to say it, this isn’t a bad move for Gundy. However, a Nov. 28 tweet by Gundy reading “Cowboy for life” leads most to believe that he will be staying in Stillwater. We’ll see who takes Butch Jones’ place in Knoxville.

SEC West

Arkansas

The spiky pigs have finally fired their fat slob of a coach, Bret Bielema, after he successfully turned their program into an absolute embarrassment. Defensive Coordinator Paul Rhoads has taken over for Bielema, who left Wisconsin because he believed Arkansas would give him a better chance to win a National Championship. You know that the Badgers are the one’s laughing now, as they are essentially a win-and-in team for the CFP.

During his 7 years at Wisconsin, he went 68-24 (.739) which is just astonishing. But down South, he went an embarrassing 29-34 (.460) with a W in the 2015 Liberty Bowl, and an L in the 2016 Belk Bowl. Obviously the 2017 Razorbacks will not be making a bowl, considering they’re 4-8 and HC-less. Where Bielema will end up is tough to tell, and who Arkansas will pick up is equally dubious. But if I were a betting man, I’d say it’s between Mike Leach (+275), Lane Kiffin (+650), and Les Miles (+800). Those are per BetOnline. Feel free to go make your fortune as the rest of the world chuckles watching people try to convince coaches that Fayetteville is a “great place to live.”

Texas A&M

After the Tony Buzbee scandal, A&M found themselves in a precarious position. This self-inflicted injury brought a wave of disrespect and mockery to College Station, and also raised awareness about the flaming hot temperature of Kevin Sumlin’s chair.  TAMU fired Sumlin sometime early last week, and are now led by former special teams coach Jeff Banks.

The headline here is not where Sumlin will land, but rather who will end up in College Station. The Aggie faithful hope and believe that their Athletic Department will bring them Jimbo Fisher, and that’s detailed in fantastic fashion by fellow SU writer Jackson Paisley. I’d go into more detail about A&M’s Jimbo Fishing, but Jackson’s got that covered. Long story short, if the man who brought Tallahassee back to prominence moves to College Station, the SEC West will be an uncomfortable place to compete.

Mississippi State

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Don’t worry Miss State, it’ll work out for y’all sometime. Just, probably not the next couple years. Dan Mullen was this program, and with him leaving for the UF job, the Bulldogs are now in search for a man to replace their fantastic ex-coach. Everybody wish them luck, because with the potential move of Jimbo Fisher to A&M, the Bulldogs are going to need it. RB Coach Greg Knox is at the helm, but surely not for long.

Joe Moorhead from PSU is leading the pack for HC candidates, and Brett McMurphy, a CFB insider, reported that he’ll be hired and the deal will be completed within the week. But, if there’s anything the Schiano fiasco taught us, a deal isn’t a deal until the Chancellor of your University signs it.

Ole Miss

I don’t know how y’all got away with Hugh Freeze and his burner phone contact with hookers (both sexual and booster alike), but somehow y’all did. NCAA violations and party fouls aside, Ole Miss recently removed the tag of “interim” from Matt Luke’s title.

The man with two first names was the former OC for the Rebs under Freeze, and will be taking over an Ole Miss team that frankly sucks. They’re 6-6 and not improving. Although the Rebs may make a bowl game, I’d imagine it won’t be anything impressive, and they certainly won’t be headed in the right direction any time soon. I can tell you with no uncertainty, Matt Luke will not be there for more than 3 years, and Ole Miss will remain the laughing stock of the SEC West.

PAC-12

UCLA

If Florida won the Coaching Carousel, UCLA came in a close second. Chip Kelly to UCLA was not immediately obvious, but after firing Jim Mora Jr., the Bruins put themselves in a good position going into 2018. A disappointing season with Josh Rosen and Mora at the helm led the Bruin faithful to call for a new HC, and that’s exactly what they got. A coach with a winning pedigree at Oregon and NFL experience, Kelly vastly improves the credibility of the PAC12. We’ll see what exactly changes in Westwood, but I see the spread offense and NCAA violations in your future, Bruins fans.

Oregon State

This is the story of Beaver Football: they suck, they fire their coach, they suck again. My heart goes out to OSU #3, you guys have a really tough time out there. Given the moves in the PAC 12, I’d be surprised if the Beavs don’t go after a big name like Leach. Although I can’t safely predict this, Leach has done and said weirder things than move to a 1-11 team.

The odd resignation from Gary Andersen that left $12M on the table between now and 2021 does leave Oregon State in a good place to deal with interim Cory Hall and a coming replacement, and hopefully a solid coach, will help improve a weak team in a weak conference. Cal OC Beau Baldwin, current interim Cory Hall, and Washington OC Jonathan Smith have all interviewed for the job, but the Beavers have yet to make call. It’s a weird one out in Oregon, but hey, when is it not weird in Oregon?

Arizona State

Todd Graham is gone, and in his place is… Todd Graham. He’ll be pulling an Earl Bruce and coaching his team once more before leaving. His firing was odd, as it came directly after beating cross-state rival UA and sealing a 7-5 record on the season. Regardless, ASU Administration decided that 5 more years of 7-5 is not good enough, and Graham is gone.

The frontrunner is Herm Edwards. ESPN’s Adam Schefter confirmed that Edwards will be interviewing for the job. UCLA started the trend, and ASU wants to continue it by bringing another NFL coach out of retirement. However, pulling coaches out of retirement is always tough, and whether or not this will pan out is still up in the air. Student Union Contributor Emily Wirtz thinks Herm Edwards is a bad choice, but she also thinks Sparky is a good mascot, so take that as you will. We’ll see what happens in Tempe.

BIG-10

Nebraska

I’m bitter; Nebraska fired Bo Pelini because he wasn’t Tom Osborne. I think they got their wakeup call, that nobody is Tom Osborne. The Cornhusker search for a new not Tom Osborne leads off with Scott Frost, who is an alumni, and thus familiar with Corn and all its properties.

Frost’s undefeated UCF team is the closest thing to Osborne activity they’ve seen in Lincoln, and if they can get him, I have every belief they’ll take him. Also probably being considered is Matt Campbell from ISU, and everyone’s favorite coaching dark horse, Mike Leach. However, with the propensity of Nebraska administrators to lean toward more conservative coaches, I doubt they’ll truly pursue a Leach hire. Whatever happens in Lincoln, it’s still God-awful cold, and they deserve every loss they get for firing Bo Pelini.

Group of 5

UTEP

UTEP sucks, and UTEP will continue suck. Until UTEP finds a way to not be in El Paso, they will  suck indefinitely.  After Sean Kugler “resigned,” formerly retired HC Mike Price took over the Miners, but his role remains an interim one. It’s a sad thing to be the conference punching bag, but that’s exactly what the Miners are. Hopefully one day that will change, but for now, their sole purpose is to provide easy W’s for Rice and Charlotte. I don’t see a new journeyman HC changing that.

Georgia Southern

That bit I just said about UTEP being a punching bag? Ditto for Georgia Southern. Tyson Summers was fired in mid-October, and Chad Lunsford was hired earlier this week. The former special teams coach was the interim HC in Summers’ absence and with enormous team support, he was made the HC for good on the 27th. GSU went 2-3 under the interim, but as my 2nd grade math teacher insisted, 2 is bigger than 0, so I guess that’s a plus… Anyway, the 2-9 Eagles will go into 2018 knowing who their HC is, and that’s more than they can say for many teams.

 

At the end of the day, what’s important? Well, it depends on where your allegiances lie. I’d say it’s that Mike Gundy is still in Stillwater where he belongs, hunting snakes and brushing his mullet. I hope your team fares equally as well. Unless you’re Ole Miss. Then, well… Ha!