Patrick Norton

This past weekend, Student Union Sports held its first annual SUS Summit somewhere near Atlanta, Georgia. To receive an invite, you had to be one of the top dogs at the blog, producing content and page views more routinely than Antonio Cromartie conceives lil’ Cromartie’s. If you buy into the Student Union #brand and help it grow, you can expect an invite and invoice in your inbox.

You can hear all about the most important summit of the month right here:

You could imagine the shock on my face when I opened my email, refreshed every hour and the invite never appeared. Would I liked to have gone? Yes. Do I think I should’ve been invited? Mhmm. Could I use this as a learning experience to produce better content on a more frequent basis? Maybe. Do I think there’s a witch hunt among my Student Union colleagues to keep me down as I rocket to the top? ABSOLUTELY, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.

We have an SEC and Iowa problem at the blog. I said one too many things, tip-toed too closely on boundaries by saying Alabama wasn’t a Top 25 team (which caused severe burns when it blew up in my face and the Crimson Tide won the whole thing), but to be spurned when it came time to corral the best of the best, it’s insulting. I understand why my SEC friends were a tad displeased with that blog post, we’ve moved on. However, our Iowa problem is simply the leader of the site, Brandon Morris. Think insufferable Iowan, multiply it by ten, add some SEC flavor from months of brainwashing by our own Gray Robertson, Andy Jones and thirty-seven other SEC bloggers at the site, and remember Iowa beat Ohio State by 31 because I’m sure he’ll bring it up in conversation at #sooner or later.

In the nine months I’ve been writing for Student Union, the extent of my contact with Brandon has been two phone calls and a few handfuls of Slack conversations: Our first phone call resulted in my on-boarding at the blog, the second came when I asked him for feedback and why he hated me. I’ve tried seemingly every avenue to find myself on Brandon’s good side, and although these efforts have resulted in failure time and time again, I figured he’d put our differences aside and invite his most loyal editor, a faithful occasional scribe and #brand driven college sophomore along for experience for when I eventually run the site and am hosting the Summit in four years.

When I saw the photo from Atlanta with Student Union’s best sitting around a table, I couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous. As I sat at my desk at work on Monday and drank bitter coffee to keep my eyes open early in the morning, Johnny, Liam, Carl and Cody with grins ear-to-ear, were drinking adult beverages with special Student Union koozies, laughing it up about LeBron with Brandon. Don’t get me wrong, Johnny is Johnny (although he’s not really Johnny), Liam is our super producer, Carl fought for Barstool Clemson and mentioned Student Union Sports at one point (audio was out, it happened, trust me), and Cody is arguably the most intelligent person and fifth hardest worker at the site.

But I’m perfectly balanced. I’ve edited and published somewhere around 50-60 blogs, I’ve written 15 (even though I’m about 21 posts off pace) and I’m funny and kind. I’m so proud of those statistics, they’re in my Tinder bio. I bring a splash of heat to the SUS sphere, so why not me? Well I’m drawing the line, Brandon. Enough is enough.

Two can play at that game. I’m taking Andy Jones, Franklin Fanelli and Chad Collins, we’re going to have a big slumber party at my mom’s house and you’re not invited, @Brandon. Ha. That’ll show you. Pizza, leftover cake from my sister’s graduation, iced tea, singalongs to REM’s Everybody Hurts, watching Miracle , quoting the Herb Brooks speech, and enjoying loving embraces. See what you’ve done? One man’s trash is just another man’s treasure.

I’ll draw up the peace agreement, but my nukes are aimed directly towards you until further notice. I will rain down on you with the fire and fury of my keyboard.

*Also, I just realized I owe you $50, but I get paid next Tuesday, so expect a happy Venmo next week*