PJ Guippone

I will translate that tweet for you. The NCAA is handing down sanctions on Houston’s Rob Gray because he played basketball. Also, he is a basketball player. He did not play in the season opener, which was still a win, but it’s just the principle. This is following the flak they were already catching because of the North Carolina stuff. I mean I’m sure they had some reason to do this like the church is just a front for a human trafficking. Or it wasn’t actually a basketball game but a human sacrifice.

Nope, none of that was actually the case. The kid was just playing ball. Jay Bilas had a field day with this absurdity on Twitter, but for me, it kind of made me wonder what else the NCAA might start suspending dudes for, all while schools pay recruits with hookers and cars and it only gets caught sometimes. This opens the door for new stupid rules to get broken so new stupid sanctions can happen. Here are some of the headlines you’ll be seeing.

Purdue ruled ineligible for postseason after beating Chicago State by 69 points, NCAA cites “sexual deviance”

This one just happened today. Purdue actually won a game by 69 points. Kids can’t be seeing stuff like that. Purdue is going to get shmacked over this. Wouldn’t be surprised if the NCAA took the win away as well and put it in their ever-growing box of “wins that happened but technically didn’t happen but everyone saw them so they really did but we say they didn’t.”

Miami loses 5 scholarships for beating Navy on Veteran’s Day Weekend

Just no respect. Miserable. They don’t like what Miami is doing on the gridiron, either. Chains. What do they think this is? A rap music video?

Miles Bridges suspended following win over Duke due to dunking with only one hand

Miles Bridges will inevitably have a few dunks that will register on the richter scale in Tuesday’s matchup against Duke. The NCAA is fed up with this show of athleticism, though. They want a clean, professional product. “Secure the bucket, young man. None of this jamokey one-hand dunk garbage.”

Ball and teammates somehow escape China, NCAA suspends them for season after their return to Los Angeles

Did I just relevantly quote The Kite Runner in an article about NCAA sanctions? You bet your ass I did.

The NCAA will use this quote as their main defense of the suspension.