Andy Jones

It’s 2018. We have the iPhone X, TVs that curve and 3D capabilities without glasses, and we have Virtual Reality gaming. Technology is advancing faster than we ever imagined, so how is it translating to the football field? Welllll…

The time has finally come… a robot gunslinger. Loaded with six pigskins, this machine looks like it has the audacity to take away the most important position in all of sports (Don’t @ me). But my god, if it doesn’t bring a tear to my eye seeing how good a T-100 can throw that 10-yard in-route. Makes me feel like a proud father who picked up his child from an assembly line.

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE

It also has a boom stick of a leg that would make Pat McAfee say “Cuzzooooo”.  The thing hit a 40-yard punt that looked almost as beautiful as the 10-yard in, but we all know that offensive players hate punting anyways. So, here is where someone is saying to themselves “But we already had a punt machine that could send the pigskin into orbit…” Yeah, but that is with you lazy ass WR Coach who when they played was decked out from head to toe in swag but couldn’t even catch a cold and rode the bench more than Alex Moran in season 1 of BMS. This bad boy looks like Elon Musk crafted it for Iowa for two things only: To throw/kick some balls, and chew bubble gum… and robots can’t chew bubblegum.

If you’re reading this Kirk (Which let’s be honest, will never happen), on a 3rd and 4 situation, I’m gonna go ahead and need you to wheel this bad boy onto the field and send your boys on the outside on double in -routes. Or, on a 4th and however many, let the T-100 make a coffin corner kick and let technology be celebrated for once in Iowa (I still wonder at times if they even have WiFI there, let alone any advanced technology other than corn).

So, while it may seem like it is still decades away from happening, robots could and will take over sports. For the time being, it is only pitching machines and punt machines, but in the future we will have Robot athletes who will fill in the shoes of our athletes now,  but without all of the dumb decisions or bankruptcy.