Last night was the 80th Golden Globe Awards and this was the first year I felt really invested. I dove deep into film this year and tried to see as many movies that came out in 2022 as possible. The entire day leading up to the Golden Globes, I was gearing up. At some points, I was excited, and at others, I was disappointed. The times I felt bored were when the television awards were being announced because I simply didn’t care about them. So, if you’re looking to see what series took home gold, you won’t find it here.

The Pageantry

Comedian Jerrod Carmichael hosted the 80th edition of the Golden Globes, and if I had to give him a grade, I guess it’d be a C. He was average. I found his outfit changes to be more entertaining than his jokes as Carmichael’s social commentary can get a bit redundant after a while. I will add, he made a joke that was legitimately funny; When he looked out in the crowd and saw Steven Spielberg, he told him that he loved his film The Fabelmans. We heard a quick round of applause, then Carmichael added that he watched the film with Kanye West and all of his antisemitic issues were resolved. Spielberg laughed, the crowd laughed, and I laughed.

The Golden Globes saw many different stars announce awards, but for me, the most memorable was Jennifer Coolidge. Most guys know Jennifer Coolidge as Stifler’s Mom from American Pie. My mother knows her from White Lotus. Well, if you watched the Golden Globes, you would have thought that they pulled a random old lady from the open bar to speak. She was incoherent at times talking about slipping on the waxed floor and not knowing how to read from a teleprompter. Coolidge was going for the whacky, relatable speech, but it made her sound like an elderly woman with dementia. It was an unfunny and uncomfortable monologue.

Myself and Jenna Amatulli definitely don’t agree on Coolidges presentation. I thought it was dreadful; Amatulli loved it.

Did We Really Need To Hear From Volodymyr Zelensky?

I’m not saying this to be insensitive, but do we really need to hear anymore from Volodymyr Zelensky? He’s made his media rounds enough and isn’t a president that’s particularly liked by Ukrainians. I guess I was more pressed about Sean Penn introducing him. Maybe you don’t remember, but Sean Penn was once a great actor. The key word there being “WAS”. His whole life has been homogenized by liberal ideology and it’s becoming unbearable. I could be in the minority about Zelensky, but there really wasn’t a good reason for him speaking at the Golden Globes.

Everything Everywhere With Every Award

Now Everything Everywhere All At Once didn’t win every award, but they kicked off the Golden Globes with a bang. Ke Huy Quan won the Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actor and really deserved it. Everything Everywhere All At Once was a mind blowing flick and was only elevated by Ke Huy Quans performance.

Quan delivered an emotional speech following his acceptance. He thanked Steven Spielberg for giving him a chance in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom when Spielberg cast him as Short Round. Quan then divulged into if he had peaked as an actor. “For so many years, I was afraid I had nothing more to offer; no matter what I did, I would never surpass what I achieved as a kid. Thankfully, more than 30 years later, two guys thought of me. They remembered that kid, and they gave me an opportunity to try again.”

A few moments later, Michelle Yeoh won Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical. Again, this was well deserved. She gave a relatable performance in a film that you shouldn’t relate to because of how outlandishly wild it is. Quan’s speech was heartfelt while Yeoh delivered a lot of humor. She told a producer that was trying to cut her speech off to “shut up” and that “I can beat you up”. Everything Everywhere All At Once has grown on me and I’m happy for these two actors.

The Banshees Of Inisherin Keeps Pace With Everything Everywhere All At Once

If I’m not mistaken, The Banshees Of Inisherin took home the most awards of any film. Colin Farrell won Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical, The Banshees Of Inisherin won Best Comedy or Musical, and Martin McDonagh won Best Original Screenplay. While I don’t love the film because I find that it gets too ridiculous at many points, I have to admit a lot of the performances were great. There’s an argument to be made that Barry Keoghan should have won Best Supporting Actor and Kerry Condon should have won Best Supporting Actress. I wouldn’t be shocked if that happens at the Oscars.

Farrell was in possibly the most stacked group for Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical. He had to fend off great performances from Diego Calva in Babylon, Ralph Fiennes in The Menu, and Daniel Craig in Glass Onion. Like I mentioned prior, I don’t love the film, but Farrell was pretty funny and gave a compelling performance. I was a bit shocked that The Banshees Of Inisherin won Best Comedy or Musical over Everything Everywhere All At Once. Deep down in my gut, I was sure that this’d be the front runner and clear cut winner. Congrats to The Banshees Of Inisherin.

Marcel The Shell With Shoes On Was Robbed

Of all the awards that were given last night, none enraged me more than Marcel The Shell With Shoes getting robbed of the Best Animated Motion Picture award. I don’t want to trash Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio because I do like it, but it’s not on the same level as Marcel The Shell With Shoes On. This is 100% being co-opted by my bias, but it’s true. While Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio was heartwarming and fun to watch, Marcel The Shell With Shoes On made me cry for about forty five minutes the first time I watched it. The way I see it, if a film can pull that kind of raw emotion out of a person on multiple viewings, it should win an award. This was one of the few mistakes the Hollywood Foreign Press made.

While it frustrates me that Marcel The Shell With Shoes On didn’t win, it did set up one of the best moments of the night. Guillermo del Toro gave a short and sweet acceptance speech, but as he was wrapping up, he told the audience “we’re a little drunk” which was hysterical. I think he realized he was rambling on a bit too much and just went with the Denzel Washington in Flight move of telling people he’s drunk. Really funny moment.

Angela Bassett Wins For Wakanda

In the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the Black Panther franchise has become one of the most beloved. The cast has been together through the death of their leading man Chadwick Boseman, which really rocked the film world with emotion. Last night, Angela Bassett took home the award for Best Supporting Actress. It was awesome to see her win her second Golden Globe.

While it was great that she won for her performance in an adored series, but I don’t know if I would have picked her to win this category. Kerry Condon was magnificent in The Banshees Of Inisherin and Jamie Lee Curtis really stepped out of her comfort zone for her performance in Everything Everywhere All At Once. Again, I’m happy that she won because she is a fantastic actress, but I think other actresses delivered more entertaining performances.

Austin Butler Halts The Brenaissance

For a short period of time, it seemed like the Brenaissance was on. And for a while, it was on. The Whale showcased Brendan Fraser as a great dramatic actor, but Austin Butler nipped it in the bud. He took home the Golden Globe for Best Actor in a Drama for his performances as Elvis. I’m upset that Fraser didn’t win because he gave it his all in The Whale, but Butler was deserving. The young actor radiated so much energy on screen and made the viewers fall in love with him. I’m in no way disappointed about this a day later.

Asking The Real Questions

It’s great that Butler won because he was deserving of it, but one question was on everyones mind. Does Austin Butler actually sound like that?

After listening to a handful of interviews, my research came close to being inconclusive, but I’m going to say it. Austin Butler doesn’t sound like that. I understand that the Golden Globes is packed with pageantry, but did Butler not know that he’s not giving his speech in character? He threw on the Elvis facade and a whole lot of southern twang when he spoke. I didn’t necessarily hate it, but it was truly a bizarre moment.

A Not So Quiet Snubbing On My TV Screen

While Marcel The Shell With Shoes On not winning, was upsetting, All Quiet On The Western Front not taking home the award for Best Motion Picture-Non-English Language is a travesty. The German war epoch lost to Argentina, 1985. It’s a fine film, but All Quiet On The Western Front was a wildly entertaining film packed with emotion about boys romanticizing war. It’s not just a movie about battling in the trenches. It chronicles life in the trenches where you see your friends die and you have to grow up quickly. Just a beautiful picture.

The Fabelmans Cleans Up In The Second Half

As the Golden Globes began to come to an end, Steven Spielbergs coming-of-age drama, The Fabelmans took over. The film found itself in a loaded Best Motion Picture-Drama category. It was competing with Tár, Elvis, Top Gun: Maverick, and Avatar: The Way of Water. Do I think The Fabelmans is the best film in this category? No. But, the Hollywood Foreign Press has rejected my application to join the club so I don’t have a say. I think that The Fabelmans is a fine film. There were many scenes I had issues with because Sam Fabelman always looked squeaky clean. Everything in his life made him look perfect. Almost too perfect. On the contrary, the final scene of The Fabelmans when Sam is in John Fords office might be the best scene of 2022.

Steven Spielberg also took home the award for Best Director-Motion Picture. This was the thirteenth time he was nominated for this award and the third time he took it home. The two times prior were for Schindlers List and Saving Private Ryan. Again, do I think Spielberg should have won this award? No. I definitely think that this field was weaker than Best Motion Picture-Drama, but I would have given the Best Director award to the Daniel Duo for their directing of Everything Everywhere All At Once. Nevertheless, congratulations to one of the best directors of the last fifty years, Steven Spielberg.