Very few things in life make me giddy; my mom’s meatloaf, rewatching Se7en and American Psycho, and of course watching the Bears dwindle through the depths of hell. This upcoming football season likely provides me with the ultimate level of pure bliss, but Chicago fans should prepare themselves for the Worst-est Show on Turf.

Justin Fields Is On An Island With No Help

There’s no debating that Justin Fields is one of the best young quarterbacks in the league, but he won’t see success with the offense that Ryan Poles has put around him. The receiving corps is one of the league’s worst with the number one option being 5’11 Darnell Mooney. Mooney isn’t even a bad player, but by no means is he a number one caliber weapon. He went for over 1,000 yards last season because he had Allen Robinson and Damiere Byrd taking attention away from him. Now in the lead spot with a vast void of nothingness beside him to alleviate pressure, he’ll garner top attention from superior corners.

Chicago’s number two is Byron Pringle who went for 568 yards and 5 scores last season; not terrible. But now take both of those guys out of the picture when they play Green Bay with Alexander and Stokes, Minnesota with Peterson and Dantzler, and Philadelphia with Bradberry and Slay. Who is the third, fourth, and fifth option?

Option number three is the rookie Velus Jones Jr. out of Tennessee; an unproven pass-catcher from a mid-tier SEC team. Chicago could try to get the ball into the hands of their below average veteran signings. Last season, Equanimeous St. Brown, Tajae Sharpe, and Dante Pettis combined for 44 grabs, 415 yards, and 1 touchdown.

The one saving grace for Fields is that he has Cole Kmet to spam the ball in the vicinity of a large mass. Kmet is a big-bodied player that doesn’t go down on the first, second, or even third hit; and he also attended Tight End U, Notre Dame.

Could Fields Be The Most Sacked Quarterback…Ever?

There is a great chance that Fields breaks David Carr’s elusive record for most sacked quarterback in a season. Houston’s offensive line dropped Carr 76 times in the 2002 season, but this Bears offensive line for the 2023 season is atrocious. Let’s start with their starting right guard, Dakota Dozier. Dozier played from 2019 to 2021 with the Vikings and constantly took heat online from Minnesota fans for poor performances. He only saw time in the 2019 and 2020 season, and in that time allowed 8 sacks and committed 11 penalties. He also never had a PFF grade over 52%. Terrible run-blocking, and somehow even worse pass protection.

As for the other guard position, Cody Whitehair is their best blocker. Whitehair can play both guard and center and in 2021, he allowed 4 sacks with a 66.2% PFF grade. Chicago’s new center Lucas Patrick is another story. Chicago signed the former Packer to a 2 year contract, but was below average in 2021; he allowed 1 sack and committed 5 penalties on 911 snaps for a PFF grade of 57.2%.

The tackle position doesn’t get much better in the Windy City. Protecting the blindside of Justin Fields is the second-year man Teven Jenkins. Jenkins has not panned out how the Bears anticipated; on only 160 offensive snaps last season, he allowed 2 sacks and committed 7 penalties, but he proved that he’s a hot-head on the field and isn’t close to being a starting offensive tackle in the NFL. At right tackle, Chicago has to rock with Larry Borom…WHO? Last season as a rookie, Borom allowed 5 sacks and committed 4 penalties for a PFF grade of 61.4%. Two words; not good.

Their Defense Could Be Their Saving Grace…Could Be

While the Bears offense is about as useful as tits on a bull, their defense might be able to salvage them games against Houston and Atlanta. Their defensive line has a lot of no names, but they do have Robert Quinn. Quinn is an inconsistent player and has shown that in his two seasons with Chicago. In 2020, Quinn recorded 2 sacks and 20 tackles, but last season he made 49 tackles and set the franchise record with 18.5 sacks. I think he’s in for a major drop-off though, as the Bears traded away his partner in crime, Khalil Mack. This makes Quinn the only real threat and teams will specifically game plan for him.

As for the Bears’ other potential defensive line starters — Justin Jones, Al-Quadin Muhammad, and Khyiris Tonga — they weren’t a productive bunch last season. The three combined for 9 sacks and 59 tackles.

At linebacker, it’s a lot of the same; they have one big name and a lot of other players nobody knows. Roquan Smith is a dog, as he made 95 tackles and 3 sacks in the 2021 season. The players on the sides of this monster in the middle are where the concern lies. Matthew Adams made a whooping 10 tackles through 17 games last season and over his 4 year career, the Bears potential starter has made 55 tackles. On the opposite side, the Bears other projected starting outside linebacker is Nicholas Morrow who spent all of 2021 on injured reserve. Not a great situation.

Their secondary is the best part of their team as a whole, but very rarely does a group of corners and safeties win you games. The safety tandem of Brisker and Jackson will be a very good one and they’re solid at corner; I really can’t knock Chicago’s secondary.

NFC North Teams Improved, But Chicago Didn’t

When you look at the off-seasons that Detroit, Minnesota, and even Green Bay had, they all either improved or didn’t regress monumentally. Minnesota went out and signed All-Pro pass rusher Za’Darius Smith, run-stuffer Harrison Phillips, and re-signed Patrick Peterson. They also drafted Lewis Cine and Andrew Booth who will contribute right away for the Vikings.

The Lions took who I think is the best edge rusher in the draft in Aidan Hutchinson and a solid wideout in Jameson Williams in round one. In addition to drafting those two studs, they added two sneaky good players in free agency in DJ Chark and Deshon Elliot. Even Green Bay, who lost Davante Adams and MVS, did make solid additions in Sammy Watkins and Jarran Reed.

Overall this offseason, the Bears were disappointments. They signed a lot, and I mean a lot of below average players; Tajae Sharpe, Dante Pettis, Julie’n Davenport, and Tavon Young. None of these guys will make the slightest impact on the Bears this season. While they did sign a lot of nobodies, they lost a lot more. They traded away former Defensive Player of the Year Khalil Mack for a 2nd and 6th round pick, let Allen Robinson walk to the Rams, watched their best offensive lineman in James Daniels sign with Pittsburgh, and recently lost Akiem Hicks to the Buccaneers. It’s an all around shit show and I’m all for it. I love watching the Bears down fall.